Petticoats and Roses
by Band Geek Letter 1
Summary: A mysterious book has captured Raven and Robin. Where have they been sent and what will they do to get out? And why is Beast Boy suddenly the guy with all the answers?
1. Part the First

Petticoats and Roses

Dear Reader,

You have undeniably chosen to read this work of fiction because your interest has been sparked by the summary, or perhaps your friend has recommended it to you. Let me thank you for that, because it does make me feel so much better to see that people are reading this. But this is not an ordinary literary work. For you see, I am not an ordinary author. Actually, I am not a person at all. In reality, I am a dusty old book that normally sits on the anonymous shelf in the Library of Congress. I don't even have a name; everyone just calls me "_**THE BOOK**_". If you think of a name suitable for me, please tell me; I'm quite tired of being called "_**THE BOOK**_".

Back to the reason you are reading this lengthy author's note in the first place. Let me explain that everything that happens in this story has happened to me. I really was captured and used for nefarious purposes by one Dreamcatcher, and rescued by the Teen Titans, er minus two. I was kept in the Titans' Tower for almost a year until my story ended. For that is my purpose; I was created to write stories. Once the tale came to a close, I was sent off to the Library of Congress, where an unsuspecting fan fiction writer checked me out. As for Band Geek Letter 1, please do _**NOT **_tell her I am using her account to make my chronicle known to the world. She'd probably return me to the library immediately, and then you poor fan fiction lovers would be without your story. So let's just keep this our little secret, shall we?

Even though I myself play a role in this little tale, I have written it in the third person as well; it seems easiest to me. Now, this author's note is getting to be dreadfully long, so I think I'll just end it here.

Sincerely,

_**THE BOOK**_

* * *

Petticoats and Roses

By _**THE BOOK**_

Part the First

Dreamcatcher Visits a Convention

The Dreamcatcher, though one of the world's lesser known nefarious villains, was in no way less malicious than the rest. She intended to conquer the world just as much as the next guy. She was malevolent down to her evil bones. Although she appeared harmless, she was anything but. The Dreamcatcher herself was a petite woman, who wore a spandex suit of ebony and crimson (to signify her evil nature) with the image of a sleeping child caught in a net emblazoned on her chest, and was entirely powerless on her own. While she wanted to take over the universe, she needed something to help her. Her other option was to fall into a vat of toxic waste, and she wouldn't even think of damaging her precious hair.

(Dreamcatcher spent hours obsessing over her hair. You wouldn't believe how many hours she spent in the bathroom before going out for a super fight. Every new fight involved a new hairdo. She's tried curls, layers, waves, straighteners, special blow dryers, and even the beehive. That woman needs a life. And that's coming from a book that's sitting next to this computer using its telekinesis to type this sentence.)

So the Dreamcatcher turned to the Black Market for Evil Super Villains Bent on Destroying the Planet. B.M.F.E.S.V.B.O.D.T.P. for short. At first, Dreamcatcher was quite disappointed by the lack of suitable merchandise offered by B.M.F.E.S.V.B.O.D.T.P. She sampled everything. She looked on all the bids of E(vil)-bay. She checked in the B.M.F.E.S.V.B.O.D.T.P.'s retail chain. (You can probably find it in your local mall. I believe they disguise it as a bridal shop, BRIDES-R-US. You walk up to the front counter and ask for a flower girl dress, size 7 ½. The clerk informs you that they don't have any in the front, and tells you to follow her to the back. Et voila! You're in the inner sanctum of B.M.F.E.S.V.B.O.D.T.P.'s retail operation.) She visited the B.M.F.E.S.V.B.O.D.T.P. Flea Market (Where they even sell fleas. Not ordinary ones though. Evil fleas.) She couldn't find anything in this country that would suit her criminal needs.

Thus, the Dreamcatcher turned her search to other countries' B.M.F.E.S.V.B.O.D.T.P.s. She visited Austria, Zimbabwe, China, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Chile, Berenia (the known originator of all B.M.F.E.S.V.B.O.D.T.P. evil), and some other little known countries. But nothing caught her attention. She'd traveled all around the world and she could find nothing with which to demolish the globe.

Consequently, she repeated herself. She went back to all the B.M.F.E.S.V.B.O.D.T.P. locations she could remember. And suddenly, while attending a B.M.F.E.S.V.B.O.D.T.P. convention in Berenia, she came upon it.

"It's beautiful… in the evil-take-over-the-world sense." She said.

"What is it?" She wondered aloud.

It happened to be a thick cobalt book with gilded edges, around five hundred pages or so. Even though the book looked particularly old, ever single one of its five hundred pages were blank. There was absolutely nothing written anywhere on its leaves.

It was because of its spell binding exterior and mysterious exterior that she interrogated the questionable booth keeper. His reply was enough to contain a whole textbook about the history of this volume, but for the sake of saving you a lot of dry reading I shall sum it up.

"This… is… _**THE BOOK!**_" He said. (Yes. Dramatic pauses and everything. He even had some ominous music playing in the background during his explanation with the occasional clap of thunder. I was, quite flattered, to be treated in such a manner, but I want you to understand, I am in no means evil. I'm just a book. If I were evil, I would have taken over the world already.)

"Well, I can see that. It clearly is a book." Dreamcatcher replied.

"Not just a book, _**THE BOOK.**_ I got it from my friend in Budapest, who got it from a nemesis in Toledo, who got it from a shifty bookstore owner in Milan, who got from an suspicious caravan leader in Cairo, who in turn got it from a deceitful merchant in Transylvania…"

It was at this point that Dreamcatcher interrupted him.

"Is this speech going to end anytime soon?"

"Don't worry, I'm almost there. Where was I?"

"The deceitful merchant in Transylvania."

"Oh, right. The deceitful merchant in Transylvania got it from an untrustworthy thief in Florin. The thief claims he pinched it from the Library of King Bladorstaff the II. If that's true, this book has the same appearance and texture as _**THE BOOK. **_Legend has it that _**THE BOOK **_was the same book that Count Rugen intended to write the definitive book on pain in, but he never got the chance, seeing as he was brutally murdered by Inigo Montoya."

"No way." Dreamcatcher was excited now. "Count Rugen is one of my heroes…er, villains!"

"Wait. It gets better. In his will Count Rugen bequeathed _**THE BOOK **_to Prince Humperdinck."

"This keeps getting better and better! Prince Humperdinck's also one of my villains. In fact, he inspired me to take up villainy." Dreamcatcher squealed.

"How interesting." The booth keeper continued. "King Humperdinck the Tyrant had it enchanted by an evil wizard to create new bedtime stories for himself every night. The wizard botched the spell so now it has the power to bend reality."

"Great." Dreamcatcher stated. "So how much?"

"$10,000." The clerk replied.

Even though, that was how much money she had left in the world (her extensive travels had cost her much of her meager income), she bought _**THE BOOK **_anyways. Later that night, a penniless Dreamcatcher robbed a bank and got off Scot-free.

And so it was that a now prosperous Dreamcatcher returned to the States to wreak her peculiar brand of havoc on the world with the help of _**THE**_ (unwilling)_** BOOK. **_


	2. Part the Second

Petticoats and Roses

Dear Reader,

It pleases me to see you've returned to my little endeavor. It would make me ecstatic to see more reviews. I'm a book; I have no life. So, it's okay if you want to write me to tell me how much you enjoy my story.

Anyways, this next chapter was a little hard to figure out, considering I wasn't with the Titans when they got the alarm that Dreamcatcher was attacking the city. I was actually partially doing the attacking myself, since Dreamcatcher was using me to complete her goal of total world domination.

Since I did not essentially witness this part myself, I had to call upon my powers of telepathy. Yes, I'm a book that can read minds. Don't act as if you've never heard of it before. I'm also using my mind to type this since it would be very odd for Band Geek Letter 1 (who still doesn't know I'm using her identity) to wake up at three in the morning to find the inconspicuous book she checked out from the library hopping on the keyboard typing out this author's note.

I' m rambling again. The quickest cure to rambling I have found is to cut this note short. So here I go…

Sincerely,

_**THE BOOK

* * *

**_

Petticoats and Roses

By _**THE BOOK**_

Part the Second

_**THE BOOK**_ Becomes a Swirling Vortex of Terror

Raven usually never concerned herself with trivial matters, such as a new insane lawbreaker trying to take over the world. And today would be like all the rest, she promised herself. Not even the fact that it was a fresh supervillain would faze her.

But as she flew over to the scene, she began to feel doubt creeping up on her. The felon they were to apprehend was a young woman wearing an ebony and crimson suit portraying a sleeping child caught in a net. She was holding a curious azure object in her hand, but from her distance Raven couldn't tell what it was. She soared in closer and observed that the object in question was a book. What was curious about it was that all the pages were… mysteriously blank.

Her mind didn't have long to ponder this oddity because large, menacing, godzilla-like creatures permeated the area. One minute there was just a crazed villainess attempting to destroy the city, the next there were monsters attacking the poor citizens of Jump City. Raven swore she saw the crook speak right before the creatures appeared, but assumed she was just seeing things.

"Raven!" Robin called to her. She turned and saw that the other Titans were already assembled. She dove in and joined them.

"Okay. Each of you pick a different monster. We'll concentrate on the villain when these … things are all down." Robin commanded. "Teen Titans go!"

And with that, each of the Titans ran off to take down the fell offenders.

* * *

Raven's was the first to fall. She'd impaled the animal with a nearby lamp post. That done, she turned to see how the others were doing. Seeing as each of them was effectively handling their beast, she soared off in search of the fiend who somehow was responsible for all this. She searched all over the street, but she couldn't find the mysterious masked figure. Finally, a brief spot of movement caught her attention. The villian in question (whom we all know by now to be Dreamcatcher; and if you didn't know that drop your head in a vat of icey water and maybe you'll wake up) was lurking a corner, still holding that peculiar book.

Raven's dark power enveloped a nearby manhole cover and flung it at the malicious character. Which said character promptly avoided and turned to face Raven.

"Fool!" She screamed. "No one catches the Dreamcatcher by surprise! Ooo, looks like it's time for Chapter Two. The beast wasn't dead. It rose up behind her and…" Raven turned around, horrified. For where the monster had lain dead, it had come back to life and was attacking her with even more fervor.

"This is not good," Raven muttered to herself. The creature picked her up in its disgusting, dirt encrusted claws and roared in her face. Raven recoiled in revulsion at the nauseating smell and squirmed, trying to break free as the monster brought her closer... closer… and closer to its gaping mouth. All of the sudden the beast relaxed his grip and she was able to wriggle free. She looked down and saw Robin repeatedly stabbing the monster's pinky toe, distracting it for the moment.

Raven found a car parked nearby and flung it into the monster's chest. The beast's image crinkled, then in a puff of smoke, disappeared all together. Robin fell from his position on top of the monstrous creature's toe to the pavement below, where he landed in perfect form.

"Come on. We've got to get Dreamcatcher! Do you have any idea of how to defeat her?" Robin asked her.

"Yes, I believe her power comes from that book she's holding. Distract her so I can get it out of her hands." Robin ran off to do as bidden, grappling with the forcefield projected by Dreamcatcher for her protection.

She found a brick and shouted, "Duck!" She grasped the brick with her power and hurled it towards the book. Robin stooped and the brick hit it's mark, knocking the cerulean book out of Dreamcatcher's hand. It glowed pure white upon impact, and unexpectedly a colorful vortex burst forth from the fluttering pages. From deep within its bowels came gusts of tornado-like winds, wrenching everything except Dreamcatcher within a ten foot radius. Robin was sucked up by the portal almost immediately. Raven screamed to the others, then went to investigate the mysterious swirling vortex of terror. Big mistake. She, too, came within close proximity to the portal and was snatched right before the eyes of the rest of the team.

* * *

A while later the eddy reached its conclusion and shut itself. The glowing dimmed slowly, until all that was left was a closed book and a whimpering Dreamcatcher.

Cyborg immediatley took action and ran up to Dreamcatcher. He grabbed her roughly by her collar, and yelled in her face.

"Where are Raven and Robin?"

"I… I… don't know…" She sniveled. "The book could have sent them anywhere." She wiped her nose on her sleave and tried her best to look meek and innocent (a feat of epic proportions, if completed by one of her nature). Cyborg merely shouted "What!" back at her.

"Friend Cyborg, I believe she is talking about this book of reading." Starfire commented as she picked up the book. With each flip of the page the look of concern and confusion on her face deepened.

"Friend Beast Boy, I do not know much about books of reading, but are there not words that cover the pages?"

"Yeah," Beast Boy responded. "They usually have words. Why do you ask?"

"Because this book of reading is blank!" Starfire answered worriedly.

"WHAT!" Beast Boy exclaimed. Cyborg dragged Dreamcatcher over to Starfire while Beast Boy peered over her shoulder at the naked pages. Cyborg was even more confused as to the lack of expressions over the page, and he brought Dreamcatcher gruffly to her feet and looked her straight in the eye.

"What is going on?" he shouted in her face. "You have five minutes to start explaining before I punch you senseless!"

Dreamcatcher cringed and began, "Okay! Okay. They've gone inside the book. I don't know where they are or what will happen to them. What I do know is that everyday new words will be added to the Book. You can read what is happening to them."

"And how do they get out?" Cyborg pressed furiously.

"They can't. However, once the story is finished, the Book will teleport them back." She answered.

"Well then. In the name of justice, we're confiscating this book." Cyborg said. He peered at her obedient form suspiciously and added, "You're nothing without it, aren't you?" Dreamcatcher nodded in submission. Cyborg grinned as one does when one is correct, turned to his two teammates, who were in the midst of a hugging and crying session.

"And in the name of bacon, will ya'll stop your bawling and 'cuff this fiend?" Beastboy instantaneously cut off the waterworks and cuffed Dreamcatcher's hands behind her back. Starfire, however, ignored this order and continued to empty the seemingly bottomless wells that were her eyes.

"Oh, this is horrible!" She cried out. She attempted to hug Beastboy again, but seeing as he was busy handcuffing the perpetrator, she settled for Cyborg. Despite the fact that Cyborg is the opposite of cuddly, she seemed to be hugging without pain.

"We will never see Friends Raven and Robin again!" She despaired.

"Careful!" Cyborg reprimanded. "We don't want anything to touch the Book. This is our only connection to them."

"I am sorry," Starfire apologized and finally dried her tears. Beastboy, who was more than done handcuffing Dreamcatcher by now, returned to the group and took the Book from Starfire.

He turned to the first page and squealed, "Look!"

"What is it?" Cyborg asked, excited.

"Hello…" Beastboy said sarcastically, waving his hands in front of Cyborg's eyes. "Can you not see where my finger is pointing? We have a title!" And he was right. Written across the page in an elegant script was this:

_**Petticoats and Roses**_

"Petticoats?" Starfire asked, perplexed. "What is a petticoats?" She turned to Cyborg who shook his head back and forth.

"Dude, I don't know!" He replied. She thought for a moment to turn to Beastboy, but quickly decided not to due to the fact that Beastboy was not known for knowledge.

"Duh, a petticoat is," Beastboy began to explain anyways, drawing both Starfire's and Cyborg's questioning gazes.

Undaunted, he repeated himself, "A petticoat is a skirt worn under another skirt or dress during… the olden times."

Cyborg and Starfire looked at him quizically.

"What? I know stuff."

"Do I want to know?" Cyborg wondered aloud.

"Probably not." Beastboy answered. Suddenly the noise of police sirens filled the streets, and not long after a squad car pulled up. A tall, muscular, African-American man in an officer's uniform stepped out.

"Detective Green," Cyborg greeted him. "Good thing you're here."

"Yes," Starfire added. "The bashing of the villains was quite strenuous."

Detective Green looked at each of the three Titans in turn, confused.

"Aren't there five of you?" he asked. "Don't I normally talk to Robin? And where's the gloomy chick?"

"They are in here," Starfire answered, motioning to the Book which was now located in Cyborg's hands. Detective Green looked back and forth from the serious faces on each of the Titans to the Book, and burst out laughing.

"What is it?" Starfire asked. "I do not find this situation amusing." Detective Green paused mid-hysteric laughing fit.

"Wait. You guys weren't kidding."

The Titans nodded simultaneously.

"Well… um…" Detective Green continued, clearly embarrassed. "I'll take that scoundrel off your hands, and… um… leave you to your reading."

He turned to Dreamcatcher and commanded, "Get in the car." Dreamcatcher grunted in displeasure but did as she was told. Detective Green hopped into the front seat and drove off with the criminal, leaving the Titans behind with the mysterious blank novel.

"So now what?" Beastboy put forward.

Cyborg paused and seemed to be in a state of intense concentration until he offered up his suggestion.

"Well, I guess we should just bring it back to the tower and wait for tomorrow. I don't know 'bout ya'll, but I am dying for some answers."

Which is precisely what they did.


	3. Part the Third

Petticoats and Roses

Dear Reader,

You are undoubtedly enjoying perusing this chronicle of true events, or else you wouldn't be reading this. I must say, the number of you pleasantly surprised me. I would never have thought that so many of you would take pleasure in reading my account of these events. I started this in order to get the truth out, as keeping it in was killing me in the metaphorical way. I'm a book; I'm not designed to keep secrets. The only book I know designed to keep secrets is a personal friend of mine, The Name of This Book is Secret. I met it while Band Geek Letter 1 was in the process of rereading it. It is a highly entertaining read; I suggest you go out and find it.

Anyways, last week I was not forced to keep my typing acts clandestine, because Band Geek Letter 1 was off on family vacation. She visited all sorts of places, including Oatlands Plantation, the National Aquarium, and the National Museum of the Marine Corps. As she was gone most of the day, I had no trouble at all using this computer. Naturally, I'm not as tired as I was a few weeks ago from staying up into the wee hours of the morning to make sure you get your share of story. But I digress.

You're just here for the story, aren't you?

Very well, I shall continue.

Sincerely,

_**THE BOOK**_

Petticoats and Roses

By _**THE BOOK**_

Part the Third

Inside _**THE BOOK**_

If you've ever fallen down a portal, you will know that it's not the most pleasant experience. But, since I doubt any of you have ever flown in a vortex, I shall do my best to describe it for you. Imagine yourself, as if you were in a dream. You are asleep. You awaken to the sound of wind, and lots of it. You open your eyes and see the multi-hued walls of the vortex spinning around you. You are falling; there is nothing to hold on to.

Now that I've described the portal, I feel I shall begin this part again.

If you've ever fallen down a portal, you will know that it's not the most pleasant experience. Especially when one was fighting a super villain the minute before and suddenly found themselves falling. Raven was tremendously surprised when she found herself in the rainbow vortex. The last thing she remembered was the glowing white book. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Raven felt the wind whirling around her before she even opened her eyes. She knew she was plummeting to who knows what, but she didn't let that worry her. She concentrated her mind and teleported out of the portal. Or, that was the plan, anyways. She exposed her eyes and found that she was still inside the portal. _How come my powers didn't work_, she thought. She tried again, yet met with the same failure. She tried once more, yet the walls did not recede. Then the realization struck her; no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get out.

So she just floated there for a while, thinking she should just go with the flow.

That is, until she heard a small voice call out her name.

"Raven? Is that you?" The voice called out to her. It seemed the voice was coming from all directions, so she had to look in all directions until she found its source. Falling below her, in the typical x-position, was a familiarity in a world of uncertainty, Robin.

"Who else would it be?" she shouted sarcastically.

"I don't know, I thought I saw Napoleon Bonaparte earlier," he teased.

"Very funny." She answered. "Look, it's so funny I'm not even laughing."

Robin ignored this last comment and instead asked, "Can you teleport us out of here?"

"No," was her reply. "I already tried that and was met with miserable failure."

She paused for a moment, and then continued. "You know, this would be easier if I didn't have to yell everything I've said. I'm going to have no voice tomorrow if we keep this up."

"Here," he screamed back. "I'm firing a grappling hook. Grab the end and I'll reel you in." A small yellow hook shot out from his utility belt and passed Raven by. She grasped the end, and Robin pulled her in. She didn't let go until Robin was in comfortable conversation distance.

"That's better," she remarked.

"Do you have any idea what's happening?" he asked. "Because I am thoroughly confused. Weren't we just fighting a super villain?"

"Not really," she answered. "The only explanation I have is going to sound a little crazy."

"Raven," he put bluntly. "We're falling through a swirling vortex of terror to who knows where. I don't think anything you have to say is going to sound crazy. At this point, I'm still glad to have my sanity."

"Fine," she acquiesced. "Have you ever seen _The Princess Bride_?"

Robin gave the inquiry some thought and then replied, "No."

"You haven't? We'll have to fix that when we get back."

"If we ever get back…" Robin mumbled pessimistically.

"Hey, aren't you supposed to be the ever positive optimist? Anyways, in the movie one of the villains, Count Rugen, wants to right the definitive book on pain, but before he could he died. His best friend, Prince Humperdinck, kept the blank book he was going to write in. Years later King Humperdinck had the book enchanted. According to the legend it can write itself and send people into its stories. It's really weird."

"Since it's the only explanation we've got it'll have to do."

"Come on," Raven said. She stared into Robin's blank mask. She felt the wind flip her hair wildly.

"Do you feel that?" she asked him. The swirling increased rapidly and the wind picked up speed. Suddenly Robin found himself fighting the wind to stay next to Raven.

"I can't keep this up!" he screamed. "I'm treading air!" Raven thrust out her hands and he grabbed on firmly. The wind speed increased dramatically she lost grip on one of his hands. The other he held on to as if it were his last hope (which, in fact, it was).

His gaze was torn for moment to look at the vortex. Fast approaching was a shimmery pool, or at least that's what it looked like. Robin turned back to Raven only to find that his large hand was slipping through her small one. Finally, their hands separated, and Robin, with nothing to hold him back, was flung with reckless abandon towards the gaping white pool, through which he fell.

Raven only had time to scream, "Rob…" before she, too, was pulled like a magnet by the force of the wind toward the pool. As she fell through feet first, she looked up and saw the familiar blue sky and skyscrapers of Jump City one last time.


	4. Part the Fourth

Dear Reader,

I see you have returned yet again to my venture. Thanks for that, I appreciate your reading. It makes me feel loved. Although, I still have to wonder how I am capable of feeling love, seeing as I am a book. That is still one of the many mysteries I have yet to figure out. I had thought about asking the Evil Wizard who created me, but during my time with the suspicious caravan leader I learned that that idea was entirely impossible. Not only was he deceased; he probably wouldn't have answered me anyways. Plus, he might be surprised to find his creation speaking to him. I can talk; I just choose not too. If I did, the government would probably have me sent to some high tech laboratory and dissected. I like my binding glued together, thank you very much.

Anyways, this next part is the beginning of my actual story, _**Petticoats and Roses**_. However, I have decided not to include the entirety of my novel, seeing as this story is based around Raven, Robin, and their friends reading the book. Any actual part of the book will be in italics.

Band Geek Letter 1 ate Mint Chip Ice Cream today. I've always wondered what Mint tastes like. Of course, being a book, I can't taste. I don't even know what chocolate tastes like!

I know, I know. You do not want to sit here and read about me bemoaning my lack of taste buds. You want to read the story.

So, without further ado…

Sincerely,

_**THE BOOK

* * *

**_

Petticoats and Roses

By _**THE BOOK**_

Part the Fourth

An Introduction to Lady Roth

The next morning, all Starfire could think of was _**THE BOOK. **_ What had happened to her friends?

"Friend Cyborg, may we now look in the book of reading?" She asked for the forty-seventh time.

"For the forty-seventh time Star, we can't look in the Book until Beastboy gets his lazy butt out of bed." Cyborg replied. Starfire pouted, then amused herself by imagining her friends in each of the Earth genres she knew about. Although she did not know much of Earth literature, she was proud to know the categories.

First she imagined Raven as a damsel in distress, perhaps a princess in a purple dress held captive by an evil lord. Starfire snorted to herself; you and I both know that Raven would detest being condemned to the stereotype. Then she pictured Robin as a knight in shining armor atop a great white charger. This would be historical fiction, she thought.

Next she pictured Robin as a hobbit, a creature from the first Earth movie she'd ever seen. She giggled; it was a comical image, and Cyborg just shrugged it off, seeing as Starfire was her usual strange self. Proceeding with her vision, the hobbit Robin traveled to an elven city where he met Raven, who was know an elf. Starfire knew Raven would prefer being an elf to a damsel-in-distress. She labeled this fantasy and moved on.

Now Robin was quite a bit taller, sporting chaps and a sheriff's badge. He had just caught the bandit from the robbery at the nearby saloon and was about to dispel justice with his posse. Starfire grinned; she knew Robin would enjoy that, in an effort to quench his desire for justice. Raven came forward as the owner of the saloon when the stolen money was retrieved and thanked the sheriff kindly. This must be a western, she thought.

Just as soon as she came to the western she left it. Soon Robin and Raven were commanders of a spaceship controlled by an insane computer. The story ended with them dieing all alone in space. Starfire shuddered and decided that she didn't like the genre Science Fiction; it was too much like her past.

Next she imagined Robin as a dapper gentleman detective, and Raven as the heiress of her murdered uncle. Naturally, she was the prime suspect, but the story unfolding in her head had so many twists and turns it was hard to pinpoint the criminal.

"Starfire? You there?" Beastboy asked. _Darn_, she thought. _This mystery was just getting good too._

Suddenly it dawned on her. She was talking to _Beastboy_.

"Beastboy!" She exclaimed. "You have returned from your journey in to the Dreamland! Now we can do the reading of the book!" She proceeded to embrace both Beastboy and Cyborg in a large hug.

"Okay, Star." Cyborg attempted to wriggle free from Starfire's impromptu group hug.

"Star, to get the book I need to be mobile."

"Right," she said sheepishly as she released him. The group made their way to the Book, which was sitting on the coffee table. Cyborg carefully picked up the book and opened to the second page.

"Ooo, jackpot! We have words!" He shouted with growing excitement.

"What's it say? What's it say?" Starfire asked repetitively.

"Hold on," Cyborg commanded. "I'll read it out loud."

He cleared his voice, and then began.

"Chapter One. Lady Rachel Roth was a young woman of great con-ce-kance?"

"Consequence." Beastboy interrupted.

"Right, consequence."

"Friend Beastboy, what is the meaning of this word?" Starfire inquired.

"It means she's important." He answered.

"Since you seem to know so much, why don't you read it?" Cyborg suggested sarcastically.

"Okay." He agreed.

* * *

_Chapter One_

_Lady Rachel Roth was a young woman of great consequence, being equal parts beauty and wealth. Rachel was a reputed beauty throughout the whole of England. She was known for her pretty face, large amethyst eyes that seemed to sparkle in every light, hair dark as ebony, and the palest complexion in England, and perhaps the whole world. _

_The subject of her wealth was no dampening matter. Being the only child of the deceased Count Roth, who died only last year, and the Countess Roth, who died giving birth, she had a fortune of fifty thousand pounds. Naturally, she still needed a guardian until marriage, and that was precisely where she was headed in her carriage that day. She was off to the home of her uncle, Sir Henry Loring, and her Aunt Loring. _

_Despite these good qualities, Lady Rachel was infamous as being the most sought after young heiress. She had so many marriage proposals that there was currently a line for those wishing to propose. But Lady Rachel was determined to marry for love, and so she refused every single male specimen that came her way…

* * *

_

The first thing Raven noticed when she regained consciousness was the rattle of wooden wheels along a dirt road. '_That's odd_,' she thought. _There are no dirt roads in Jump City_. Another odd thing was the strange feel of the fabric that enveloped her. It felt as if… as if she were wearing a dress. But that was impossible, right? Raven steered clear of all dresses if a possibility. And the texture of the seat beneath her was anomalous too. It was quite plump, and nothing like the leather of the seats in Titans Tower. They were velvet. But that was impossible as well, wasn't it? This was all part of the strangest thing ever, right? Raven pinched herself to make sure.

However, this pinch caused her to realize two things. The first, was, that she was most certainly not dreaming. Any possibility of otherwise was gone. She was conscious. The second thing was that she most certainly was wearing a dress. _Could this get any worse?_ and _If this is Beastboy's sick idea of a joke, I'm going to make him pay_ crowded her mind.

Raven was scared of what she might find if she dared to open her eyes. But she was Raven, who, as we all know, doesn't do fear, and besides, she couldn't keep her eyes closed forever. She finally decided to deal with it and opened her eyes.

What she found was not entirely what she expected. She was, indeed, in a carriage, and she was, in fact, wearing a dress. The carriage's interior was richly furnished, decorated with gold leaf and crystal. The lavender and cream striped gown crinkled as she moved. On the other side of the carriage was a painting of a woman. Raven blinked in surprise.  
Were it not for the skin and hair, she could be looking at a replica of herself. Instead of the usual gray, the woman's skin was pale, almost an alabaster complexion. The ebony hair piled on her sat perfectly under a lavender hat.

Raven gave a gasp when she realized she was looking at her reflection in a mirror. Or, at least, she tried to. It is quite hard to breathe in a constriction corset. (Or at least that's what I've been told. Being a book, I've never actually had the misfortune of wearing a corset. But I am sure if I had, I would have been extremely uncomfortable.)

"Lady Rachel, are you quite well?" A voice asked all of the sudden.

It was then that Raven realized she was not alone. A pretty girl of about twenty sat next to her, maid's cap slightly askew on her poorly made bun, and apron slightly disheveled, but Raven thought she was concerned. And seeing as there was no one else in the vehicle, Raven assumed that she was this "Lady Rachel" that the maid addressed.

"I'm fine," Raven replied, and then tried to gasp again (having not learned her lesson the first time). The voice that projected from her mouth was most decidedly hers. Yet something was different.

It was British.

"You are sure?" the maid asked. Raven merely nodded in response and the carriage jolted.

The ride continued in silence. Or, at least until Raven could contain her curiosity no longer.

Finally she blurted out, "Pray, tell me what is our destination?'

The maid looked at her quizzically. "Are you sure you are well."

"Absolutely positive," Raven replied. "It is just for the life of me, I cannot remember where we are going."

"Well, that is quite simple." The maid responded. "You have just been finished, so you are being sent to your guardian's estate, Summerhaven."

"And my guardians are?" Raven persisted.

"Surely you must have come down with a case of amnesia. You are staying with your uncle Sir Henry Loring."

"And do I have any cousins?" Raven continued.

"Lady Rachel, perhaps you have come down with something. Why don't you just read your diary?" The maid suggested. She reached down under the seat, pulled out a purple book, and handed it to Raven.

The book was of heavy weight, and made of expensive materials. She opened it and found, to her surprise, her own handwriting scrawled across the pages. But, she was in a very strange world now, so she supposed it didn't matter the length of strangeness.

Raven began to peruse the diary with growing interest The details of Lady Rachel's life were exciting. But as she neared the middle, Raven felt a wave of exhaust wash over her. Soon she was comfortably snoozing again, completely unaware of the outside world.


	5. Part the Fifth

Petticoats and Roses

Dear Reader,

I'm extremely joyful to find you here again. Of course, I can't actually see you through the computer-that would be quite strange. Reminds me of the song "Somebody's Watching Me". Band Geek Letter 1 has it on her computer and I just couldn't refrain myself from listening today when she went to the Water Mine. Nope, I'm just assuming you are reading this author's note instead of just skipping to the story. But, as already stated, I have no way of knowing for sure.

Unlike most of my notes, this one is quite short. I'll just finish here now.

Sincerely,

_**THE BOOK

* * *

**_

Petticoats and Roses

By _**THE BOOK**_

Part the Fifth

Beastboy Sleeps In…Again

The following morning Starfire woke bright and early with a renewed interest in the book. She was thinking of Lady Rachel increasingly, and wondering what had happened to the heroine. Granted, she did not understand most of this story, but she believed that soon she would. She only had to figure what genre this was, then everything would be smooth sailing from then on.

She dressed in haste and rushed down to the central room. Unfortunately, all she found there was Cyborg relaxing on the sofa. Beastboy was nowhere in sight.

"Friend Cyborg, Beastboy is still sleeping, yes?" she questioned him.

"Yes," came Cyborg's reply.

Starfire sat down next to him, and suddenly came up with a brilliant idea.

"Perhaps for the Christmas we should give him the clock of alarm? That would wake him, would it not?"

"Probably not," Cyborg responded. "It would take a bulldozer to wake him up."

"How about we just bring him down here?" Starfire suggested.

"Normally I wouldn't dare go into his den, but I'm too curious. Let's go." With that Starfire and Cyborg set off to journey into the unknown that is Beastboy's room in their quest to get Beastboy out of bed before 10:30 AM.

I, for one, am quite glad that I have never had the_ extreme pleasure_ of entering Beastboy's room under any circumstances. From what I have observed deep within the recesses of Starfire's and Cyborg's minds, the experience was quite traumatic. I, personally, would not enjoy being traumatized by the event. However, I am a book, and therefore have no senses. Thus, I would not feel anything in a change of environments. Still, I am glad not to have entered it all the same.

Now, for the sake of the story, I am going to have to describe the horrible deathtrap that is Beastboy's room. Hopefully you won't be scared for life by reading my description. But in the event you experience some sort damage, I have included a release form.

_I, the reader, hereby state that __**THE BOOK**_ _is not responsible for any injuries to myself incurred from reading its narrative. _

_____________ _______________ ________

_(Print Name) (Signature) (Date)_

There. Now that you have signed the release form, I can continue. Imagine a junkyard full of refuse and waste. The overpowering smell of rotting vegetables fills the air. Now magnify that smell three times. You now have the stench that poured through the cracks of the door.

Cyborg and Starfire stood in front of that putrid door, scared of the monstrous mess that most likely resided inside. Cyborg anxiously put out a hand and poked the doorknob. It seemed harmless enough, but sometimes in doorknobs lie the most lethal weapons… it was a good thing Fezzik saw that spider.

"Beastboy, you in there?" Cyborg whispered tentatively as he pushed the door to Beastboy's lair open. The growing shaft of light illuminated a half eaten slice of vegan pizza, a deck of Pokemon cards, and the red power ranger action figure. Cyborg cringed at the sight of meatless pizza, then stepped gingerly onto the supposedly wooden floor, dodging a deck of playing cards and a precariously perched pile of dirty laundry.

"Now if I were a Beastboy, where would I be?" Cyborg mumbled to himself. He lifted an empty pudding cup, and then flung it away when he realized those weren't raisins.

"How about there?" Starfire suggested, pointing to a beanbag chair in the corner. Beastboy lay sprawled across it, PS2 controller still in hand.

"Figures," Cyborg muttered. He and Starfire somehow maneuvered to Beastboy's slumbering form. Cyborg picked the boy up roughly and slung him over his shoulder. Beastboy remained asleep, tiny droplets of drool dropping from his gaping mouth and pooling on Cyborg's shoulder.

"Good. Now we just have to get back out," Cyborg stated, not noticing the lake of saliva forming on his shoulder. He stepped forward and motioned for Starfire to follow him. He tried painstakingly to create a path that would not lead to pain, but unfortunately, no one can avoid pain in Beastboy's room, save for the boy himself.

Several excruciatingly painful injuries later, Cyborg and Starfire stumbled out of what is now known as the "Mess of DOOM" and headed back to the kitchen. Cyborg dropped Beastboy on a couch, and somehow the boy was able to keep sleeping.

Starfire's stomach growled quite loudly, so she strolled over to the kitchen to retrieve some nourishment. She cracked the door to her special refrigerator for the storage of her various puddings, and was startled by Beastboy's sudden outburst.

"Ahh! I'm awake! I'm awake!" He shouted, wide eyed. "Just don't feed me any of the dreaded pudding!"

Starfire regarded him curiously. Beastboy gazed at his surroundings, appearing confused.

"How'd I get down here?" he asked.

"You don't even want to know," Cyborg said mysteriously. "And by the way, you might want to clean your room." Beastboy shrugged his shoulders, indifferent, picked _**THE BOOK**_ up off the table and began to read aloud.

* * *

_Chapter Two_

_The roads of the countryside of England are nowhere for a respectable lady to be at night. Nonetheless, Claire had been instructed by Sir Henry Loring to arrive at Summerhaven as fast as possible, so the carriage crept on in silence through the twilight. Lady Rachel had long since fallen asleep and laid her head on Claire's shoulder._

_Naturally, Claire was quite worried. She had heard tales of the bandits that prowled the road at this time of night. They were a vicious group of thugs who would stop at nothing to get what they wanted. Claire tried to remain not in the least bit frightened, but that was easier said than done. _

_Unfortunately, her fears were not founded on nothing. The carriage soon came to a complete halt and two consecutive thumps were heard. _

_A lantern shown through the window, beside which was a face made black with coal. He saw the absolutely terrified face of Claire and chuckled. His gaze soon fell upon the peacefully slumbering of Lady Rachel and a wicked grin danced across his mouth. _

"_Hey boss, you should have a look in there. There's two dames inside, and one of them is rich __**and **__a right pretty thing too."_

"_Indeed," a voice replied, presumably the leader of the operation. "I do believe my services are required."

* * *

_

_Mr. Shepherd was a thirty four year old crime lord who always meant business. He wasn't always a convoluted criminal. His reign as King of Thugs started around his late teens. Soon after he tried to walk down the straight and narrow, to impress the only girl who wasn't absolutely petrified in his presence. But he soon found this to be an unprofitable business when the girl up and told him she was already engaged. _

_After that he was through with being good and returned to his former life of crime. He started off by kidnapping the very one who had the nerve to reject him, but she was later rescued by her fiancé, some fancy-pants lord's son. However, Mr. Shepherd was never caught, and he became the ringleader of the largest crime ring in England. _

_He'd taken to supervising some of the heists himself, when he wasn't off stalking Mrs. Avon, which was how he found himself in front of Lady Rachel's stalled carriage.

* * *

_

_Mr. Shepherd pulled open the door of the carriage, revealing the sleeping Lady Rachel. _

"_Whoa, she's one pretty gal," he commented. _

_Claire shrieked. _

"_What are you going to do?" Claire asked him. _

_Instead of giving a straight answer, Mr. Shepherd responded with another question. "How rich is she?" Claire hesitated, and Mr. Shepherd's hand flew to his pistol. _

"_She has fifty thousand pounds," Claire answered quickly. _

"_Hm," Mr. Shepherd said as he stroked his beard. "Pretty and extremely rich… that's not a common combination these days."_

"_Please sir, what are you going to do?" Claire inquired hesitantly. _

"_I don't know the particulars," he replied, eyes poring over every inch of Lady Rachel's form, and lingering in… certain places. "I suppose I shall have to have my way with her." And thus, Mr. Shepherd crept toward the innocent slumbering girl (not unlike a vulture approaching a carcass), with Claire cringing next to her. _

_It was at this precise moment that a clear voice rang out through the night. _

"_You'll go no further." The voice commanded. _

"_Who's there?" the superstitious Mr. Shepherd questioned, peering off in the darkness from the direction the voice had come. _

"_No one of importance," The voice replied, from the opposite direction. _

"_Show yourself!" Mr. Shepherd commanded, terrified. _

_Suddenly Nightwing burst in through the open door and knocked Mr. Shepherd to the ground.

* * *

_

In her semiconscious state, Raven felt muscular arms support her. Gone were the sounds of rumbling and occasional jolts of the dirt road. Instead, there was a man. Raven had no idea of who this man was, or what he was doing here, but she snuggled up to him anyways.

She felt a rush of air, and then heard the creak of floorboards. The man walked and placed her on something soft. He brushed a stray strand of hair away from her face.

"You know," he whispered, voice oddly familiar, yet totally unknown. "Except for your hair and skin, you'd be the identical twin of a good friend of mine. I haven't seen her in six years… not since the incident…" he trailed off.

"But who knows? Maybe you are she, but I cannot stay around much longer. 'Tis ungentlemanly to stay in a lady's room so long without a chaperone. Yet it's also quite odd to talk to a sleeping girl who can't hear a word I'm saying. Good night." Raven felt another burst of air and smiled in her sleep, drifting back to the vague world of Dreamland.


	6. Part the Sixth

Dear Reader,

I apologize most sincerely for the lack of update last Friday. The truth is, _I _had prepared the component for instant update on Friday, but the _darn snickerdoodle_ Document Manager wouldn't let me! Again, I must convey how much that event saddened me.

Apologies aside, it has become inevitable that you must choose whether or not to read this chapter. I dearly hope that you shall read it, as I love for my work to be read; but I shall not leave you without a warning. The next chapter is concerned largely with Raven's spirituality, and those of you who are devout atheists may choose to completely ignore this part. I hope, deep within my binding, that you will read it anyways. This is my only way of witnessing to you all, for I cannot dare to speak lest my cover be revealed.

Some of you may be wondering what I sound like, but I am afraid I must confess I'm not entirely sure. I have only spoken at O'Dark Thirty to avoid arousing suspicion, but what I have observed from my tone is this: it's British. I don't know why. In all my years of traveling I have been all over the world, but I do not particularly remember having visited the United Kingdom. I suppose I may have picked it up from Band Geek Letter 1, who speaks with a British accent at random intervals during the day for no reason whatsoever. Ah well. I guess it just must be one of life's little quirks.

Speaking of life's little quirks, has anyone thought of a non-gender specific name to call myself? It is dreadfully odious to have to call oneself _**THE BOOK**_ all the time. If any of you wonderful readers have a suggestion, please, don't hesitate to inform me.

It seems I have begun to ramble again. I really must cure myself of this habit.

Sincerely,

_**THE BOOK**_

PS: I apologize for the lateness of this chapter. Band Geek Letter 1 returned me to the Library of Congress and it was very hard to convince her to pick me back up.

* * *

Petticoats and Roses

By _**THE BOOK**_

Part the Sixth

Raven Goes to Church

Raven blinked as the sunlight pierced the gloom. She stretched, yawned and took a closer look at her surroundings. The petite dark room she had been placed in was bare of any decoration, save for a nightstand and the small cot at the foot of her bed. The cot had been made up earlier that morning.

The door flew upon, and Claire strolled in, smile on her face, in stark contrast with her surroundings, carrying a steaming bowl of oatmeal.

"Good Morning, Lady Rachel," She greeted. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm absolutely fine," Raven answered, taking the tray from Claire's hands and eyeing the oatmeal hungrily.

"Are you sure?" Claire asked, concerned. "You went through quite the ordeal yesterday."

"Really?" Raven raised her eyebrows. "I don't remember a struggle. Of course, I was quite tired."

"You do not remember? Last night we were saved from some robbers by a masked vigilante, Nightwing." Claire picked up a shirt and began to fold it.

"He saved your virtue too." She continued. "He brought us to this inn. He's a hero, you know."

"My virtue?" Raven nearly spat out her oatmeal in surprise.

"Yes." Claire replied.

"What was his name again?" Raven questioned.

"Nightwing," Claire answered.

_Nightwing_, Raven thought. _That sounds mighty familiar._

"Tell me, what does this Nightwing look like?"

"Oh, he is a most handsome and righteous man, of great stature and dark hair."

"And does he have a name?"

"Oh, I am sure he does, miss, but no one knows it. Thus, the mask."

"Well, that's too bad. How am I ever to thank him now?"

"I don't know," Claire replied. "Now hurry up and eat your breakfast."

"Where do we have to go in such a hurry?" Raven wondered aloud.

Claire stared at Raven and paused mid-fold. "Why it's Sunday. We're going to Church."

"Church?" Raven's voice lurched.

"Yes miss, like you always go to on Sundays."

"Right…" Raven answered.

"Don't be too long," Claire ordered, and left the room to allow Raven some privacy.

* * *

Raven stood in front of Walshinghamshire Methodist Church, daunted by the large mahogany doors. For most of us, entering a church is something we do on a regular basis, but for Raven it was different. It was the first time she'd even walked in close proximity to a church, let alone enter it.

As you probably know, Raven was part-demon, the outcome of an unwanted rape of Lady Arella of Azerath by King Trigon. It was ultimately the idea the she could never be forgiven because of her lineage that caused Raven to remain outside of all churches. Yet there she stood on that bright Sunday morning in front of a church. The red brick walls seemed homely and inviting, and a small cross at the top of the Steeple shown like a beacon.

Finally Raven decided to face her fear and pulled open the wooden door with a creak. Inside she found rows upon rows of chestnut pews. Raven thought that the moment she entered the Chapel she would be immediately recognized and thrown out, yet nothing happened. She made her way to a pew in the very back, away from prying eyes.

The wooden bench was quite comfortable, and the two books in front of her seemed inviting. The worn ebony volume was titled "Holy Bible" in gold letters. The red volume was labeled "Methodist Hymnal". A man in a black robe instructed them to turn to Hymn number 45 to sing "This is My Father's World". Raven pulled the heavy book out with great trepidation and flipped to page 45. Much to her surprise, she found herself singing along.

_This is my Father's world, _

_And to my listening ears_

_All nature sings, and round me rings_

_The music of the spheres._

_This is my father's world: _

_I rest me in the thought_

_Of rocks and trees, _

_Of skies and seas;_

_His hands the wonders wrought. _

Soon the song was over and the preacher asked the congregation to be seated. Raven was mildly surprised by the power the song's words had. Yet she still felt out of place in the midst of all those gathered.

"Do we have any first time visitors?" The minister asked.

Raven tentatively raised her hand after much prodding from Claire, who was standing in the back.

"Ah yes," The minister said, taking notice of Raven's lofty hand. "And you're name is?"

"Rachel Roth," Raven replied.

"Welcome, Miss Roth." He greeted. "Dearly beloved, our reading for today is from the Book of John, the Sixteenth Verse of the Third Chapter." There was a rustling of pages as the congregation picked up the black manuals. Raven flipped anxiously through the Bible as the minister began to read.

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." Raven paused mid flutter at the sound of the relaxing words. She slowly laid the book back in its cubby and became engrossed in the interesting sermon.

* * *

An hour later Raven was seated back in the carriage, intensely focused on the book of Matthew.

"Lady Roth, you are quite alright?" Claire asked her.

"Yes. This book is quite intoxicating! I wonder why I never picked it up before. But, who is Pont… Ponti…" Raven answered.

"Pontius Pilate?" Claire responded.

"Yes," Raven confirmed.

"Well, Pilate was the Roman governor of Judea."

"Oh, thank you." Raven returned to pouring over the words of the bible.

_**22**__Pilate saith unto them, What shall I do then with Jesus which is called Christ? They all say unto him, Let him be crucified._

_**23**__And the governor said, Why, what evil hath he done? But they cried out the more, saying, Let him be crucified._

_**24**__When Pilate saw that he could prevail nothing, but that rather a tumult was made, he took water, and washed his hands before the multitude, saying, I am innocent of the blood of this just person: see ye to it._

_**6**__And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?_

_**4**__7Some of them that stood there, when they heard that, said, This man calleth for Elias._

_48And straightway one of them ran, and took a spunge, and filled it with vinegar, and put it on a reed, and gave him to drink._

_49The rest said, Let be, let us see whether Elias will come to save him__**.**_

_50Jesus, when he had cried again with a loud voice, yielded up the ghos__t**.**_

_51And, behold, the veil of the temple was rent in twain from the top to the bottom; and the earth did quake, and the rocks re__nt__;_

_52And the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints which slept ar__os__e,_

_53And came out of the graves after his resurrection, and went into the holy city, and appeared unto __ma__ny._

_54Now when the centurion, and they that were with him, watching Jesus, saw the earthquake, and those things that were done, they feared greatly, saying, Truly this was the Son__ of God._

"_Oh this is terrible!"_ thought Raven to herself. _I thought this book was supposed to be happy!_"

"**Why don't you read a little farther?"** A mysterious voice said.

"_Well, I guess I should…"_Raven scolded herself.

_**1**__In the end of the sabbath, as it began to dawn toward the first day of the week, came Mary Magdalene and the other Mary to see the sepulchre._

_**2**__And, behold, there was a great earthquake: for the angel of the Lord descended from heaven, and came and rolled back the stone from the door, and sat upon it._

_**3**__His countenance was like lightning, and his raiment white as snow:_

_**4**__And for fear of him the keepers did shake, and became as dead men._

_**5**__And the angel answered and said unto the women, Fear not ye: for I know that ye seek Jesus, which was crucified._

_**6**__He is not here: for he is risen, as he said. Come, see the place where the Lord lay._

_**7**__And go quickly, and tell his disciples that he is risen from the dead; and, behold, he goeth before you into Galilee; there shall ye see him: lo, I have told you._

_**8**__And they departed quickly from the sepulchre with fear and great joy; and did run to bring his disciples word._

"_That worked out well!" _Raven rejoiced inwardly.

"**I thought you would enjoy it," **The mysterious voice replied.

"_Yes, thank yo… hey, how can you hear my thoughts?" _Raven wondered.

"**Well, it's very simple actually. I'm God." **The mysterious voice, or rather, God, answered.

"_Really? So it's not just a story? Jesus really did die?" _Raven asked a million questions a minute.

"**Whoa, slow down. In answer to your question…"**

**

* * *

**

Raven went to sleep that night comforted for the first time in her life, confident in the fact that on the day she did die, she was going to Heaven.


	7. Part the Seventh

Dear Reader,

Since starting school, Band Geek Letter 1 has dragged me everywhere imaginable. I've been to Band Practice, dance, Girl Scouts, and various other activities. It's a wonder I'm still awake at this hour. She even brought me to the Homecoming Game last weekend. All I have to say is band people are really strange.

Some of you may be wondering about the chapter before last, when Raven's mysterious rescuer appeared and said it had been six year since he'd seen his friend. Remember, an evil wizard created me. Time moves differently in me than in the world. It's kind of like the Chronicles of Narnia. (And believe me, I've been there. When I was in the possession of the deceitful merchant in Transylvania said merchant sent me to his nephew in Bulgaria, who turned out to be the Magician on the Island of the Monopods. I was the magical book in the back room.)

Well, now that I've completed my explanation, I believe it is time to begin.

Sincerely,

_**THE BOOK

* * *

**_

Petticoats and Roses

By _**THE BOOK**_

Part the Seventh

Raven Meets Her Cousins

On the eighth day of the journey, Raven's carriage pulled up in front of the estate of Summerhaven. Raven was quite tired from her journey (Claire suspected she was still trying to deduce Nightwing's identity) so the sight was a welcome one. All the same, she was anxious about meeting her "cousins".

Summerhaven was an imposing brick manor, built centuries ago by the first noble Lorrings, shortly after the conquest of England in 1066. Surrounded by an expansive garden, featuring various species of flora, the estate overlooked a shimmering, shining lake. The mansion itself was painted a bright ocher, accented with white molding, had an immense portico.

Raven, lavender dress trailing behind her, stepped gingerly out of the carriage onto the cobblestone pathway. She crept up to the door anxiously as Claire scrambled up under the weight of Raven's few but cumbersome suitcases. Raven lifted her hand to knock, but the door swung open before she could.

"Ah, Miss Roth, I presume," the grim faced butler greeted. "Please come in." Raven crossed the threshold into the manor, strolling into the bright evergreen foyer, a stark contrast with the ill-mannered butler. Claire set Raven's suitcases down while Raven admired a painting of a young girl, whose golden red curls drifted down her back in cascades. A pair of gold-rimmed spectacles sat upon her nose.

Suddenly, Raven was crushed in an embrace not unlike Starfire's.

"Cousin Rachel!" One of the perpetrators, a bespectacled redhead who resembled the girl in the painting, screamed joyously. "It's been so long!" The second criminal guilty of scaring the living daylights out of Raven gave her a tight squeeze before backing away to allow her to breathe.

Raven eyed the man with unrecognition.

"Can it be, dear cousin, that you do not remember your favorite cousin?" the man exclaimed.

"Oh hush Edmund!" The girl, who still held Raven in her viselike grip, admonished. "I'm her favorite cousin. Am I not correct?"

"Believe what you will, Mary," Edmund retorted.

"But surely you recognize us?" Mary asked, and finally released Raven, who promptly rubbed her shoulder.

"Well, um… no…" Raven admitted apologetically.

Mary gasped and her hand flew to her mouth.

"I'm sorry I don't recall such interesting people," Raven expressed regret, remorse dripping from her voice. "But the truth is, I don't remember much at all."

"You don't think?" Mary questioned her brother, whose eyebrows conveyed the intense whirring of gears in his head.

"Oh, but I am…" Edmund replied. He took Raven's hand and asked, "Rachel, have you experienced a terrible ordeal?"

Raven thought back to the incident and whispered, "Yes."

Edmund dropped Raven's hand and promptly proclaimed, "I've got it!"

"Really?" Raven inquired, anxious to find someone who knew of her predicament.

"Yes," Edmund stated confidently. "You were obviously abducted by the fair folk and taken to their underground city, where a stalagmite knocked your noggin, causing your present amnesia."

Raven was taken aback by this outlandish explanation. (Well, wouldn't you be? Although I suppose this is slightly ironic coming from a magical talking book.)

"Really?" Raven wondered. "Are you sure I wasn't sucked through a vortex of terror into a book with magical qualities?"

"Nonsense, dear Rachel," Edmund assured her with a wave of his hand. "Where would you come up with such a silly idea?"

"She was imaginative as a child," Mary reminded him. "Remember Aquadontia?"

"Oh, right," Edmund remarked thoughtfully. "I nearly forgot about our old imaginary world. Didn't we dig a tunnel through the bathroom cupboard?"

"Yes! And Rachel was Queen of Aquadontia," Mary continued, excitement growing. "You were the king, and there were all these petite lawn gnomes!"

The sibling's conversation soared to new heights as Raven watched it become a story of epic proportions.

"Ha-ha-ha," The cousins chuckled.

"Good times, good times," Mary commented, wiping a tear from her eye.

Edmund took notice of Raven who was sitting by herself in the corner, no part of the conversation.

"Dear sister," he reprimanded "We must not forget our fair cos, who is having an unfortunate lapse in memory."

"Right," Mary answered. "Williams, please send for our parents. Tell them Cousin Rachel has arrived." The grim-faced butler bowed and strutted out of the room.

"Shall we adjourn to the sitting room?" Edmund suggested.

"We shall," Mary responded. Each cousin took an arm and all three skipped into the periwinkle sitting room.

"Do we skip everywhere?" Raven wondered aloud.

"Of course," Mary answered. "How else would life be interesting?"

"I see," Raven commented. Upon arrival Edmund and Mary unlinked arms and plopped her down on the sofa.

"Miss, your parents," William announced.

"My dear Rachel!" a woman's voice exclaimed. Raven suddenly felt herself in another extremely long hug.

"Oh, it's so good to see you!" the woman greeted.

"Um, yeah…" Raven blushed sheepishly. Edmund whispered into his mother's ear, and the woman in question gasped.

"Kidnapped by the fair folk?" His mother said incredulously, looking at Raven with pity in her eyes. "Poor, poor Rachel." She hugged her again, this time less bone crunching.

"Well, I know you don't remember me, poor thing," She began, "But I'm your aunt, Genevieve. This is your uncle Henry. Don't be afraid to ask us any questions you may have, dearie."

Raven opened her mouth but was quickly interrupted by Aunt Genevieve. "Oh Rachel, I saw the most luxurious lavender dress in town today! You simply must come along! Mary, grab your bonnet, I saw a nice purse as well." Mary ran to fetch her bonnet, then linked arms with her mother, who in turn linked arms with Raven, and all three skipped off to the carriage house, smiles shining brightly in their eyes.


	8. Part the Eighth

Dear Reader,

I must apologize for the delay… again. As you may very well know, Band Geek Letter 1 leads a very busy lifestyle. To this day I still wonder at the necessity of bringing me to dance class. All I do is sit in her cubby and attempt to have an intelligent telepathic conversation with her Pointe shoes (which I have found to be an unfruitful pursuit. Pointe shoes are hopelessly hardheaded and opinionated. I advise you all, never speak with a pair of Pointe shoes.) But I digress. I assume you are anxious to read the next part of the story. I would be, if I did not know the details of the story like a mother knows her child. I'd best not keep you waiting.

Sincerely,

_**THE BOOK**_

PS: The following installment features myself as a character. I have chosen to refer to myself in the third person. I always have the instinct to tell about myself, instead of show, and to avert such disaster, that was the solution.

* * *

Petticoats and Roses

By _**THE BOOK**_

Part the Eighth

Something Unexpected Occurs

"I don't get it," Cyborg complained as Beast Boy shut _**THE BOOK**_ for the 175th day in a row. "The only thing Raven's done in the past sixth months is drink tea, go shopping, and dance! I don't know about y'all, but I'm tired of waiting. How in the world are we supposed to get her out!"

"I don't know," Beast Boy replied calmly, setting _**THE BOOK**_ on the coffee table. "I guess we'll just have to wait and see."

It was at this precise moment that the SWAT team arrived.

* * *

Shattered glass dropped from the ceiling in a cascade as large, burly men in ebony dropped in on thin wires. Upon impact they raised their rifles, pointing them at the remaining Titans.

"Beast Boy, what did you do this time?" Cyborg asked him, suspicious, as he raised his arms.

"Nothing!" Beast Boy exclaimed. "I swear, absolutely nothing!"

"Sir," the man who appeared to be the leader of the team signaled to Cyborg. " My name is Sergeant Fluffle, and I understand that you have an extremely rare and dangerous book in your possession. We have a warrant for it's immediate arrest. If you object, you face a minimum of one year in prison for obstruction of justice."

Everyone paused, and then exploded with laughter.

"Your name is Fluffle?" Cyborg guffawed.

Sergeant Fluffle rolled his eyes and answered, "Yes… it is. Do I have to deal with it every time I make an arrest?"

Cyborg immediately ceased laughing.

"Now, _**THE BOOK?" **_The sergeant reminded him.

"What book?" Beast Boy asked.

"The one we were just discussing."

"I thought we were laughing at your name."

"Its former owner was a supervillianess?"

"Doesn't ring a bell."

"It's cobalt?"

"What's cobalt?"

"Blue."

"Oh, I'm sure Raven has plenty of blue books in her room."

The sergeant smacked his face, clearly annoyed with Beast Boy's apparent stupidity.

"I can show you her room," Beast Boy offered. "Although I don't think she would appreciate random government agents going through her things."

"Sure," the sergeant agreed. _Anything to get him to stop talking._ Beast Boy stepped aside, accidentally revealing the location of _**THE BOOK**_.

"Sir," a subordinate began. "Is this the book in question?" He pointed to the large manual resting on the table.

"By golly, it is!" the sergeant exclaimed, shoving the Titans aside. He gently removed _**THE BOOK**_ from its resting place, examined it more closely, comparing it with a mug shot. (Now that, that is a very long story…)

"I'm taking it into custody. Thanks for the help," Sergeant Fluffle added. He clapped a large chain around _**THE BOOK **_and secured it with a combination lock. The entire SWAT team rehooked themselves, and before long the only residue of their strange visit was the glass scattered on the floor.

Starfire, not known as one with a strong constitution, burst into tears. She grabbed the nearest huggable object and proceeded to give it a bone crunching hug. Unfortunately, this object was Beast Boy.

"Can't… breathe…" He squeaked in sporadic spurts of air.

"Oh! Now how will our friends ever regain their freedom!" Starfire bawled.

"Don't worry, I'll get that book back," Cyborg assured her as he flew off after _**THE BOOK**_'s captors.

* * *

Minutes later _**THE BOOK **_was strapped uncomfortably in the back of a squad car. Rifles, held by two men, on either side, pointed down at _**THE BOOK**_, as if at any moment it would magically escape from its bonds and hop out the car. Sergeant Fluffle sat straight as a pin in the passenger seat, lecturing _**THE BOOK**_.

"It's debatable whether you can be considered a legal alien, but the law requires that I read your rights before you appear in criminal court," he explained. "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to speak to an attorney, and to have an attorney present during any questioning. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be provided for you at government expense. Do you understand?"

_**THE BOOK **_merely sat there, propped up against the car seat.

"Good."

It was an extensive drive from Jump City to Sacramento, but at long last they arrived at the State Courthouse. The sergeant pushed open his door, and had the armed guard on the right exit the vehicle in order to allow _**THE BOOK**_ easier passage. When _**THE BOOK**_ did not make a move, the other man poked it with his rifle. _**THE BOOK **_proceeded to fall onto the seat. Undeterred by _**THE BOOK**_'s lack of mobility, Sergeant Fluffle picked the volume up, carried it into the Courtroom and placed it gently onto the Defense's table.

A man was already seated at the table. Alabaster snow crowned his head and thick-rimmed glasses perched on his nose.

The man stuck out his hand and introduced himself. "Hello, _**THE BOOK**_. My name is Harvey Williams, and I will be your defense attorney for the proceedings." When _**THE BOOK**_ made no attempt to shake his outstretched hand, Harvey brought it back in awkwardly. "So, how would you like me to defend you?"

"I can help you with that," Cyborg panted, running into the room.

"And who are you?" Harvey inquired.

"Name's Cyborg. I'm one of _**THE BOOK**_'s current owners. Ask me anything you need to know."

* * *

Back at the Tower, Beast Boy paced the floor anxiously.

"What's taking him so long?" He wondered.

"Um, Friend Beast Boy?" Starfire asked cautiously, dumping the last of the shards into a trashcan.

"What!" Beast Boy snapped. Starfire's eyes filled with tears.

"Sorry, Star," Beast Boy apologized. "I didn't mean to snap. It's just… I'm so worried, you know?" Starfire nodded.

"So, what did you want?" He asked her in a much gentler tone.

"Well," she began. "I wondered if perhaps you could explain this concept of the 'Drawing Room Comedy' to me. Even after all these months it still is alien to me."

"Oh, of course!" Beast Boy exclaimed. "Have you read Pride and Prejudice?"

"Yes," Starfire blushed sheepishly. "But it has thoroughly confused me. Elizabeth claims to despise Mr. Darcy, yet she marries him! It does not make sense!"

"Well," Beast Boy explained. "This is because Elizabeth refused to admit to herself that she was prejudiced against Mr. Darcy. She thought he was a pompous, stuck-up snob."

"But he was not?" Starfire injected.

"Correct. Near the end of the novel she realized that they weren't so different after all, and that she loved him. That's one type of Drawing Room Comedy. The other kind is where the heroine loves one man, but something keeps them apart of the duration of the story."

"I still do not comprehend." Starfire said after a period of intense thought.

"In that case, why don't we watch the movies? I have the entire Jane Austen collection on DVD in my room!" Beast Boy turned and ran to his room, thankful to have something to keep his mind off things.

"Shall I do the popping of the corn?" Starfire asked his retreating figure.

"Sure."

"Great! And we shall also enjoy the Pudding of Comprehension!" Starfire added.

"On second thought, I think we should just stick to the popcorn…"


	9. Part the Ninth

Dear Reader,

How are you? I trust that you had a wonderful Christmas. Band Geek Letter 1 sure did. I heard her screaming with joy about getting a thesaurus from Santa. I thought that was a little odd, but let her want what she wants. Now, I am sure you are all dreadfully excited for the next part, so I shall not hold you in suspense any longer.

Sincerely,

_**THE BOOK

* * *

**_

Petticoats and Roses

By _**THE BOOK**_

Part the Ninth

Trial and Verdict

The day of the trial arrived. Mr. Williams and Cyborg had spent many hours carefully preparing for this day, the day _**THE BOOK **_went to court. Chain rattling, an armed guard carried the padlocked defendant in. He dumped _**THE BOOK**_ onto the defense table and took his station at the door.

The bailiff loudly proclaimed, "All rise for the honorable Judge Jorgetson." And they all did-except for _**THE BOOK**_, whose mobile abilities at this point were not very advanced. Cyborg took notice and propped it up.

Judge Jorgetson entered the courtroom. She was a rather large woman with an imposing appearance. Her black robes swished around her as she strode to the judge's seat and clanked her gavel.

"Court is now in session," she stated. "Prosecution, you may present your case." A burly man, almost a complete replica of Sergeant Fluffle stood in front of the jury. His suit was nearly bursting at the seams from having to contain all those muscles.

"Hey," Cyborg whispered to Harvey, "isn't that the police officer that arrested _**THE BOOK**_?"

"No," Harvey replied, "you're thinking of his identical twin brother, Sergeant Fluffle. This is Attorney Fluffle."

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury," Attorney Fluffle began, "I am Attorney Fluffle and I am here to represent the prosecution." Snickers broke out among the others in the courtroom. Attorney Fluffle whipped around and glared at the offenders, who immediately ceased laughing.

He turned back to the jury and continued, "As I was saying, I'm here to present the prosecution. We are here today to prove that the fiend over there," he pointed at _**THE BOOK**_ "is responsible for larceny, robbery, and destruction of federal and state property. First, I would like to bring a witness to the stand."

"Proceed," the judge answered.

Moments later, the Dreamcatcher sat in the stand, decked out in an orange jumpsuit. (Her hair, however, I must mention, was now dyed lavender and tousled.)

"Miss Catcher, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?" the bailiff asked her.

"I do," the Dreamcatcher answered.

Attorney Fluffle sauntered up to the witness and questioned her, "Miss Catcher, can you please explain what happened on that fateful day?"

"Sure," she replied. "I was shopping at the mall in Berenia when I passed by an Antique Book Shoppe. Sitting in the window display was a fading cobalt book. It seemed to have some magical force pulling me towards it. Intrigued, I walked inside and picked it up. The moment I touched it I was no longer myself. I was its slave. It was not me who committed those terrible crimes, but _**THE BOOK**_." _**THE BOOK**_, for one, had never heard such a blatant lie in all its life, but for the sake of its binding it kept its pages shut.

"You maintain that the defendant is guilty of all these crimes?" the attorney interrogated.

"Yes," she answered confidently. _**THE BOOK**_ had never been so insulted. (Just because you were created by an evil wizard doesn't mean you yourself are evil!)

"You may leave the stand," the judge instructed. Dreamcatcher sneered at _**THE BOOK**_ on her way out, confident that her testimony would put it behind bars.

* * *

Boring and long hours passed. It was the worst dispute the California State Court had seen in years. The prosecution brought forth many witnesses and much evidence, and the defense countered as much as humanly possible.

At long last, the prosecution brought _**THE BOOK**_ itself to the stand.

"This is preposterous!" Harvey cried. "My client is in no state to explain its story! Objection!"

Attorney Fluffle turned to the judge, who sighed and ordered, "Objection overruled." The bailiff picked _**THE BOOK**_ up and stood it so that its front cover faced the court.

"Mr. _**THE BOOK**_," Attorney Fluffle began, "It is Mr, right?" _**THE BOOK **_merely sat there.

"So it's Miss?"

No answer.

"Never mind. Where were you on the night of July 22nd?"

Silence.

"Did you or did you not rob the National Bank of Berenia?"

A cricket chirped.

"Are you responsible for the countless damage to federal and state property in Jump City?"

At this point _**THE BOOK **_fell over.

Attorney Fluffle sighed and turned to the jury.

"Judging by its lack of answers we can safely assume that it is pleading the fifth." _**THE BOOK **_was removed from the stand and thrown against the defense table as the jury filed out.

* * *

They debated for days, but finally a verdict was reached. Cyborg and Harvey waited anxiously, until their fingernails almost disappeared entirely. Attorney Fluffle glared at _**THE BOOK **_from across the courtroom, certain that justice would be served.

"We," the representative of the jury started, "the members of the jury, find the defendant, _**THE BOOK**_, guilty of all charges." _**THE BOOK,**_ if it was capable, would have broken down in tears at this injustice. The prosecution, however, was no less than ecstatic. A giant disco ball was lowered from the ceiling and confetti burst from hidden boxes.

The representative of the jury returned to his seat and Judge Jorgetson contemplated sentencing while the prosecution partied and the defense sobbed. Finally the judge lifted her hand and all was silent.

"_**THE BOOK **_shall receive a sentence of twenty-five years to be served in the Library of Congress." The prosecution cheered while Cyborg pounded the table in anguish.

"You mean now I have to get a library card!" he shouted. "My friends are in there!" The judge shrugged her shoulders and Cyborg hung his head in defeat. An armed guard escorted _**THE BOOK**_ out the door to the waiting police van. Doleful looks on their faces, Cyborg and Harvey plodded out of the courthouse.

And miles away in a California State Penitentiary a guard walked up to the lonely cell where the Dreamcatcher drew on the walls in boredom.

"Miss Catcher, you have a phone call," the guard informed her. She dropped her stick of sable chalk and trudged to the door of her cubicle. The guard's keys jingled as he stuck his key in the door. The lock clicked open and he pushed the heavy steel bars to the side. Dreamcatcher hopped through the door and sauntered down the hallway, smirking at her fellow inmates.

The guard handed her the telephone and she greeted the man on the other line.

"We got it," Attorney Fluffle filled her in. The Dreamcatcher hung up and grinned maliciously. Her hornswaggle had come to fruition.

* * *

After another long and painful journey, which was equally as long and painful, if not more so, as the last one, Cyborg arrived in the District of Columbia. It was an entirely different world from Jump City. Whereas Jump City was relatively new and consisted of shiny skyscrapers, Washington was old and filled with a motley assortment of antique buildings and glittering modern structures. Cyborg could make no sense of the streets and ended up in front of the White House on Pennsylvania Avenue seventeen times.

He consulted several Washingtonians and at long last located the Library of Congress. He galumphed up the imposing stairs and tromped through the revolving door to the front desk.

"Can I help you?" the geeky-looking clerk asked when he noticed Cyborg gazing in awe at the thousands of shelves lined with books.

"Yeah," Cyborg blinked, drifting back. "I'd like to check out _**THE BOOK**_."

"Do you have a library card?" the clerk questioned.

"A library card!" Cyborg spluttered. "Do I have a library card? Ha Ha! That's hilarious!"

"Well, do you have one?"

"No," Cyborg admitted hastily.

The clerk snorted and pushed up his glasses.

"Typical," he muttered. "Your name?"

"Victor Stone."

"Birthday?"

"** the *****, ****" (For the protection of Cyborg, personal information has been omitted so he is not attacked by rabid fan girls on his birthday.)

"Here you go," the clerk handed him a shiny new library card. Cyborg pocketed said card and wandered over to the reference section. (Cyborg's knowledge of libraries was limited, and so he spent several hours searching through the reference section for a novel.)

Hours later, he plopped down on a bench, exhausted. '_Man,'_ he thought, _'I am never going to find this book.' _Suddenly, a familiar cobalt spine peeked out from among the countless others. He rushed over and removed the book from its location. He nervously flipped to the first page, seeking familiar words, and when he found them, he shouted for joy.

He was, of course, immediately shushed by the staff and other library-goers, but it didn't bother him. He had found _**THE BOOK**_!

Euphoric, he skipped to the front desk, checked _**THE BOOK **_out and skipped out the door.

* * *

Upon his return to the tower, Cyborg was surprised to discover Beastboy and Starfire weeping on the couch, sobbing, "Mr. Darcy!" and "Elizabeth! He loves you! Just marry him already!" Cyborg, confused, sat down and joined them after carefully putting _**THE BOOK**_ back in its proper place on the coffee table.


	10. Part the Tenth

Dear Reader,

I can hardly believe that I am already posting the tenth chapter. It seems only yesterday I was a book on an old shelf in the Library of Congress with a dream of sharing my true stories with the world, and here I am. But enough about me. You are all, no doubt, quite excited to read the following chapter, and my rambling has most likely bored you.

Sincerely,

_**THE BOOK**_

_**

* * *

  
**_

Petticoats and Roses

By _**THE BOOK**_

Part the Tenth

Edmund's Friend

"That ending always gets me," Beastboy bawled into a pillow as the credits of "Pride and Prejudice" scrolled up the screen. He wiped the tears from his eyes and jumped in surprise as he finally realized that Cyborg was sitting next to him.

"Friend Cyborg, you are back!" Starfire cried, (she was not quite as oblivious as Beastboy), and immediately leapt from the sofa. In a twinkling she was once again embracing the half machine in a bone-crunching hug.

"Nice to see you," Cyborg gasped. Starfire, having realized that oxygen was having trouble traveling through his airways, released him. Her sheepish gaze fell across _**THE BOOK**_ on the table and she squealed.

"Sweet!" Beastboy exclaimed. "You got _**THE BOOK **_back!"

"Well," Cyborg blushed, "I told y'all I would get it."

"What do you think has happened to Friend Raven in our absence?" Starfire inquired. "I am most curious to find out."

"Yeah," Beastboy agreed as he fingered _**THE BOOK**_'s cover.

"What're ya waitin' for?" Cyborg urged. Beastboy shrugged and threw wide _**THE BOOK**_.

* * *

Raven sat poised on a Windsor chair in the Lorring's library, burying herself in the adventures of Miss Lydia in her attempt to ward off potential suitors. So engrossed was she by this historical adventure that Raven remained oblivious to the fact that Mary had skipped into the room, parading a piece of parchment around as if it were the main attraction at the county fair.

"Oh, Rachel!" Mary exclaimed, not five centimeters from Raven's ear. Most likely it was the proximity that caused the following response.

"Eep!" Raven screamed and threw her book up in the air in surprise. Moments later it landed on her foot with a loud thud. She squeaked in pain and hopped around on her other foot, at this point wishing her powers were restored so that she might heal herself more quickly.

"Rachel," Mary asked, "Are you quite alright?"

"Yes," Raven answered. "I'm… oomph… absolutely fabulous." She dropped her injured foot back to the ground and looked back into her cousin's eager face.

"That's good," Mary commented. "Guess who's coming to visit!" Raven racked her brain for a minute, but could think of no one in her acquaintance whose mere mention could cause the sheer amount of excitement that shone from her eyes.

"I do not know," Raven replied. "How about you tell me?"

"Why, only the most exciting, brilliant, and romantic man I have ever had the pleasure to lay eyes on, Joshua Princely!" she swooned, She dropped gracefully onto the chair and sighed as she clasped the letter to her chest.

"You are completely smitten with him, I suppose," Raven guessed.

"Oh, positively enraptured," Mary responded. "Though I do not know if the feelings are reciprocated. 'Twould be tragic if he only thought of me as a dear friend."

"Yes, it would be tragic," Raven responded sarcastically. "However, we can't very well control his feelings, can we?"

"No, I suppose not," Mary answered. "Though it is my dearest wish that my love is not unrequited."

"I hope for your sake it is not."

Their conversation went on for several hours, until Raven was completely tired of hearing his name. Joshua Princely this, Joshua Princely that… it really didn't matter to her. She could not wait until his arrival, if only it would stop her cousin's constant chattering. She did not have to wait very long.

* * *

Mr. Princely arrived two days later. He was a little on the short side, but it wasn't that noticeable. He had fine, chiseled features, and would be considered handsome by most. He gazed around the Lorring's parlor in a daze.

"So, I see most has not changed since I last entered Summerhaven," he observed.

"Well, yes," Edmund replied next to his friend. "Mother loves to decorate, but Father keeps a tight string on his purse."

Mr. Princely laughed and then turned to a more serious subject. "Did you hear of poor old Mr. Jones' troubles? His strumpet of a wife ran off with a coxcomb!"

"I did," Edmund answered sorrowfully. "My father warned him against marrying a Magdalen, but he did not listen. I imagine he must feel frightfully abashed and tearful all at once."

"Yes," Mr. Princely commented. "A sad affair indeed."

The room was filled with an awkward silence, as it always is when discussing such matters, before Edmund broke it.

"On a higher note, my cousin has come to visit," he informed his friend.

"Oh?" Joshua raised his brow, "Is this Cousin Jonathon the magician or the infamous and fantastically beautiful Miss Roth?"

"Actually, 'tis Lady Roth now," Edmund corrected. "She's a Countess."

"I'm finally to meet this remarkable beauty!" Joshua exclaimed in excitement.

"She's not _that_ beautiful," Edmund voiced, rather unconfidently.

"Oh, pish posh!" Joshua cried. "I've heard the reports, and they say a great deal about her qualities."

A teasing gleam entered Mr. Princely's eyes and he began to form an idea.

"You're only saying that because you have all the intention of marrying her yourself!" he accused. "You think I might be lucky number twenty-eight!"

Edmund's face was as red as a beet. "I never said that!"

"Oh, but you thought it," Joshua insinuated.

"No!" Edmund denied vehemently.

"Do you know where the Nile is?" Mr. Princely questioned.

"Yes," Edmund answered. "Wait, what? Why are you changing the subject!"

"Oh, I'm not changing anything," Mr. Princely retorted. "I simply want to know if you know the location of the Nile because I think you are in it."

Edmund's brow furrowed in thought. He contemplated the insult for several moments before shouting, "Oh, very amusing Mr. Princely. How clever. I suppose you got your sense of humor from your time in the Navy."

Mr. Princely was about to snap back with something as sarcastic when Williams the butler entered the room and cleared his throat.

"Sir and Lady Lorring, Miss Lorring, and Lady Roth." Edmund's parents strolled in, followed by an extremely excited Mary.

"Mr. Princely!" she cried and jumped into a hug. (In actuality, this hug could be described as a "glomp" but I have chosen to keep the period words. In other issues regarding hugs between friends: it would be considered a most atrocious display of gentlemanly behavior in most parts of the country. But since Joshua Princely had been best friends with Edmund since their infancy, decorum was disregarded.)

"Oh!" Joshua exclaimed, startled by this sudden burst of affection. "Mary! How nice to see you." He gingerly removed himself from her embrace and waited.

Raven peeked into the room and finally entered timidly. Mr. Princely's eyes grew large as saucers. He attempted to stand up even taller as she scurried in (gracefully, I might add) and bowed so low that his head nearly touched the floor. Raven returned the gesture with a small curtsy.

"Enchanted, Lady Roth," he greeted her, and kissed her gloved hand. Raven couldn't help but feel a bit perplexed at his actions towards herself and her cousin. So, finding no words with which to express this confusion, she merely nodded.

Mary grabbed her wrist as Mr. Princely tore his gaze from Raven and turned to her aunt and uncle.

"Is not Mr. Princely spectacular," Mary sighed once she reached a secluded corner of the room. Raven glanced at Mr. Princely, who appeared to be making conversation with her aunt and uncle, but was staring hungrily at herself.

"Sure," she answered hesitantly after seeing Mary's pleading eyes.

"Oh, I knew you would like him!" Mary declared. "Of course, everyone enjoys the company of Mr. Princely." Raven once again found herself dragged to the main conversation.

"I hope you don't mind," Mr. Princely apologized, "but I took the liberty of inviting one of my friends from Town to your ball."

"Nonsense, Mr. Princely," Mr. Lorring assured him. "Any friend of yours is a friend of ours." The conversation went on and on, about various subjects including the approaching ball and the state of the weather, but Raven couldn't help but feel uncomfortable with the presence of a certain someone in the room.


	11. Part the Eleventh

Um… hi. This is Band Geek Letter 1. I have no idea what this is doing in my account, because I most certainly did not write it. I think I might have to report this…

Dear Reader,

I apologize for that inconvenience. Band Geek Letter 1 finally discovered that I was using her account in order to make the truth known. Luckily I subdued her with my powers of hypnosis. She believes she's hallucinating. So, now that the problem has been taken care of I can present the next chapter.

Sincerely,

_**THE BOOK

* * *

**_

Petticoats and Roses

By _**THE BOOK**_

Part the Eleventh

Beastboy's Genius Makes an Appearance

"I don't like that Joshua guy," Cyborg remarked as Beastboy shut _**THE BOOK**_ and dropped it on the coffee table. "He gives me the heebie-jeebies."

"Friend Raven does not seem fond of him either," Starfire commented. "On my planet, he would be called a glafnorgon."

Beastboy and Cyborg shared looks of perplexity and shrugged.

"Well, I think he's just a creeper," Beastboy added. They all stared at each other during the awkward silence. Absolutely nothing was wrong- no alarms went off, no buildings were on fire. The silence was deafening.

"So…" Cyborg began awkwardly. "What do we do now?" Without warning, Beastboy leapt from the sofa in frenzy.

"What is it, Friend Beastboy?" Starfire questioned.

"I can't believe I didn't think of this before!" Beastboy cried out and dashed down the hallway.

"Didn't think of what?" Cyborg wondered aloud as he rushed after him. Starfire followed behind quickly, and soon all three were standing in front of Raven's door.

"Um, Beastboy, what are you up to?" Cyborg interrogated.

Beastboy merely responded, "Stand back!" Starfire and Cyborg glanced at each other and stepped aside as Beastboy instantaneously morphed into a gorilla and proceeded to crush the metal door with his large and hairy hands. In a flash he transformed into his normal self and jumped over the crumpled door.

Upon entry he immediately rummaged through Raven's numerous purple odds and ends, shouting, "Where is it?"

"Friend Beastboy, where is what?" Starfire asked.

"The mirror!" he answered, tossing a lavender book into the air.

A bright light flashed in Cyborg's eyes and he commended his friend. "You're a genius man!" He bent down and began searching too.

"What?" Starfire was very confused. (She did not see why they had to go to Raven's room for a mirror when there were perfectly adequate ones in her room.) "What is so important about this mirror?"

"It's a connection to Raven's mind," Cyborg explained, throwing a royal purple dragon onto the floor, which by now was covered a myriad of trinkets.

"Oh," Starfire said. "I will look too." She immediately turned to the bureau, as most smart people would look there first. (Beastboy and Cyborg had gotten distracted at this point. Beastboy had found Raven's diary and was game for reading it, while Cyborg liked to respect people's privacy.) Starfire's eyes alighted on a gilded hand mirror, long stemmed and elegant, protected by two seraphs.

"Is this it?" Starfire asked the other Titans. They immediately ceased quarrelling and ran to her side.

"Well," Beastboy scratched his head. "It is a mirror, but I don't remember it looking quite so… cheerful." He grabbed the mirror by the stem and the glass rippled as a large, glowing ivory hand burst forth and grasped the Titans, pulling them inside the mirror.

* * *

With a loud thud the Titans landed on a platform in the midst of a vacuum of space. The platform was covered in emerald green grass, and a yellow brick road meandered down the center, leading to a rainbow.

"Definitely not how I remember it," Beastboy observed. Nonetheless, he started down the path and the other two followed.

All of a sudden, all three were tackled by a blur of pink.

"Beastboy, Cyborg, and Starfire! I'm so glad to see you!" the blur of pink exclaimed.

"Hi Joy," Beastboy greeted the pink clad Raven. "Listen, we need to talk to Raven. Do you know where we can find her?"

"Of course, silly! Follow me!" she shouted gleefully, and skipped down the yellow brick road.

"Why is Friend Raven in pink?" Starfire whispered to Cyborg.

"That's Joy," Cyborg answered as he started after Joy. "She's a personified version of Raven's emotion." Beastboy and Starfire followed Cyborg's lead, and in no time at all they were upon the rainbow portal. Joy gestured for them to follow as she hopped through the arch.

* * *

They found themselves in an endless see of bluebells, marigolds, and buttercups. The yellow brick road stretched through the center of the meadow until it reached an imposing stone building on the horizon. The Titans wasted no time in following the joyous girl, who had already flown halfway down the path. She hummed as she went, and the Titans hummed along.

"Joy," Starfire called out, "what is this place? I do not recall ever coming across such a place during my visit to Earth."

"Of course not," Joy responded merrily. "You're inside Raven's mind. Each door leads to a new emotion. This meadow is my home. I just love flowers!" She took off at full speed and waited for her followers at the next door.

They arrived several minutes later, panting and quite out of breath.

"You know," Cyborg's tongue lolled out and sweat beaded on his forehead. " We really should work out more."

"I concur," Starfire added as she clutched her stomach. "Without Friend Robin here, there is no one to obsessively remind us about our training."

"Gurgle," was Beastboy's reply.

"Come on you guys!" Joy shouted excitedly, and jumped up the stone steps past the stone lions guarding the door, and thrust it open with the energy of a five year old. The tired team tagged along reluctantly.

The massive stone building had seemed large enough on the outside, but inside was a different story. Rows upon rows of bookshelves lined with a multitude of tomes on various subjects surrounded them. The Titans gazed up in awe-the bookshelves seemed to go on forever. As they brought their gaze down they saw a solitary escritoire of polished wood in the center of the library, under a dome. Everything on the desk was neatly arranged, from the sharpened pencils to the Newton Balls.

Seated in the rolley chair at the desk was a bespectacled Raven wearing a matching set of banana yellow cap and gown. She was reading a book most intently, flipping the pages every few seconds.

"Hey Intelligence!" Joy cried, slamming her hands on the table (in a cheerful way, of course) and staring curiously at the book in Intelligence's hands.

"Eep!" Intelligence screamed, startled. Her book made an unexpected journey into the air and landed with a heavy thump on her desk.

"Joy," she admonished, "how many times have I told you not to sneak up on me, especially when I am reading a riveting mystery!"

"I'm sorry," Joy pouted playfully, "but some friends of Raven have come to visit her and I wanted to make sure I was going the right way. Is she still with Faith?"

"Yes," Intelligence replied pushing her glasses up her nose, examining the three Titans. "Just keep on straight ahead."

"Aren't you coming with us?" Joy asked.

"No," Intelligence answered. "First, I have to finish The Hound of the Baskervilles. It's frightening that I might need to call Terror. And then there are several conundrums that need solving. I wish you luck!" Intelligence waved goodbye and then buried herself in the adventures of Sherlock Holmes. Joy trotted happily on a yellow carpet to another set of double doors. The Titans took their time in following, peering at all the odd titles in Raven's vast library.

"Hurry up!" Joy shouted impatiently. She was immediately shushed by Intelligence, who didn't even bother to look up from her book. Starfire, Beastboy, and Starfire finally caught up with the manifestation and they walked through the door together.

Beyond the door the yellow brick road continued off into the dark. A full moon hung over the grassy earth, reflecting in the shimmering, sparkling, and glistening lake. Stars were scattered in the sky like sprinkles on the cake of night. In the distance they could see a single willow tree weeping over the glassy lake. Underneath the gloomy leaves stood a white wrought iron table with two matching chairs.

Joy zoomed down the path, giggling incessantly. As the quartet approached the tree they could make out a lone figure leaning against the trunk. Soon the soft murmuring of poetry floated to their ears on a light breeze.

"_Things base and vile, holding no quantity, _

_Love can transpose to form and dignity._

_Love looks not with the eyes but with the mind;_

_And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind."_

"Hello Love!" Joy greeted ecstatically. The Titans were now close enough to get a good look at the girl.

"She's new," Cyborg whispered to Beastboy. Love wore a leotard and cape of soft lavender, and had largeish teary eyes.

"_What is Love?"_ Love moaned. "_Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." _

"Is she always like this?" Beastboy asked, scratching his ears.

"Of course, silly!" Joy answered matter-of-factly. "She speaks in poetry." She turned to Love and continued.

"Three friends came to see Raven."

"These three I know, that much is true," Love responded.

"How do you know us?" Starfire wondered.

"How dost I know thou? Thee are among the faces in _The Book of Love_." She reached into the folds of her cape and pulled out a lavender volume. She flipped the pages. Each page was plastered with photographs of her closest friends. Oddly, the last page was blank.

"Why's the last page blank?" Cyborg asked before he could receive the signals Joy was sending him. Love burst into tears and Joy smacked her forehead.

"Alack! Alack! Alas," Love lamented. "Raven has not yet discovered her true love, though he be right in front of her. And thus, I bemoan myself."

"Shh," Starfire comforted Love. "Friend Raven is still young. There is time." Love wiped away her tears and smiled.

"Well," Joy concluded. "We'd best be on our way. Goodbye!

"I wish thee well on thy quest! Farewell!" Love shouted as the trio pursued Joy up a hill. And as the crested the hill they could hear Love begin to recite "_Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?" _and soon the recitation dwindled until it could be heard no more.

At the foot of the hill was a large wrought iron fence with a single fence. The name Gethsemane was printed in dark letters above the gate, almost invisible against the night sky. The moon had hidden behind the hill, giving the Titans only the light of the stars. Joy put her finger to her lip, unlocked the gate and crept, silently, stealthily, and carefully inside.

The others followed and found themselves in a grove of olive trees. Two Ravens's knelt on the grass, side-by-side, hands folded. The left-hand Raven was dressed in shining gold, while the one on the right was arrayed in pure white.

As the quartet approached they caught the last word, "Amen." Both girls stood up and turned around. The white Raven's eyes lit up as large as saucers and she squealed in delight at the sight of her friends.

"Starfire! Cyborg! Beastboy!" She cried, and enveloped the group in a large hug.

"Raven, why is your voice all British-like?" Cyborg managed to squeeze in once Raven released her friends.

"I am not entirely sure, but I do believe it is a side effect from being in _**THE BOOK**_." She answered. "How did you get here?"

"Friend Beastboy has been reading to us everyday from the magical book, and today he had the most brilliant idea!" Starfire praised her comrade. Beastboy looked at the ground bashfully.

"Yeah!" Cyborg agreed. "We came through your mirror."

"Though I am quite scared to think the Beastboy was the one to create the plan, I must admit that I missed you all terribly."

"Yeah, we missed you too," Cyborg grinned. "It's been crazy without y'all here. A SWAT team arrested _**THE BOOK**_ and I had to fly all the way to the Library of Congress to get it back."

"Oh," Raven commented. "That's quite … odd. Have you made contact with Robin?"

"No," Beastboy replied. "Unfortunately, he does not have a convenient portal to his mind like you. If you see him, tell him we said hi."

"I will do so," Raven promised.

All of the sudden, the ground shook and a loud voice boomed throughout the atmosphere.

"Rachel!" it said.

"I have to go!" Raven jumped. "That'll be cousin Edmund getting me for the ball!" In a puff of smoke she was gone. All the Titans could see was an empty space and Faith sitting reflectively against an olive tree.

"Aw man!" Beastboy threw up his hands. "I was gonna ask her to say 'Oh stuff and bother,' with a British accent!"

Cyborg looked at Beastboy quizzically while Starfire clapped excitedly.

"It has been a most exciting experience!" she exclaimed. "It is my first trip to someone else's mind."

"Now…" Cyborg asked. "How do we get out?"


	12. Part the Twelfth

Dear Reader,

I am still here. It has taken a lot of effort on my part, but Band Geek Letter 1 remains oblivious. I would like to take this opportunity to thank my ever-faithful reviewers. PinkPanther123, I expect my virtual cookie soon. (I cannot eat real cookies anyways.) I shall warn you, there is a large "cliffie" as you say, at the end of this chapter. I suppose you are all very anxious, so I shall not stand in your way any longer. (Although technically I can't stand either, since I am a book.)

Sincerely,

_**THE BOOK

* * *

**_

Petticoats and Roses

By _**THE BOOK**_

Part the Twelfth

A Familiar Face

"Now… how do we get out?"

Beastboy searched wildly around the garden, but there was no sign of Joy or Faith. Instead, he only saw the yellow brick road stretching out beneath their feet.

"You know," Beastboy commented, "I keep getting the feeling that at any moment we're going to be surrounded by munchkins telling us to 'follow the yellow brick road' to see the Wizard."

"What are these 'munchkins' of which you speak?" Starfire inquired innocently.

"Hold the phone!" Cyborg exclaimed. "You've never seen _The Wizard of Oz_? But… it's a classic!"

"Yes, we've got it, Cy," Beastboy interrupted, fuming. "Star can watch it when we get home. But first we have to figure out a way to get out of here!" The smoke was practically tumbling out of his ears.

"Whoa," Cyborg threw his hands up. "No need to get all touchy. I think we should just follow the yellow brick road."

"I second that motion," Starfire added.

"Then, I guess we're off to see the Wizard," Beastboy joked and set off. The others followed close behind. They dodged branches and olives and finally came to the back gate. Beastboy gulped and lifted the latch.

Beyond the gate was a rippling field of poppies and a sparkling Emerald City.

"You've got to be kidding me," Beastboy grinned. He tromped through the flower. Cyborg slapped his forehead and followed. Starfire did not see what was so wrong, and traipsed after her buddies.

About halfway through the field the poppies were replaced with a multitude of wildflowers in a rainbow of colors. Beastboy at this point decided that although poppies create drowsiness, wildflowers could bring no harm and therefore did not deserve to be crushed, so he skipped too. At the end of the field the yellow brick road picked up again and led to a great green door.

Beastboy half expected a man with a strange curly moustache to answer the door, but no one was there. Curiously, he slowly opened the door and peeked inside. The streets were bare with the exception of a lime green tumbleweed. He crept in silently and waved the others over.

"This is so weird," Cyborg whispered. "Then again, it _is_ Raven's mind." When nothing burst from the shadows, the trio strolled through mossy streets, past mint houses, pistachio street lamps and chartreuse mailboxes to the center of the city.

At the precise center was a lime balloon tethered to an olive platform. And sitting on that platform was a single pair of ruby slippers. Beastboy rushed to the slippers and poked them for good measure. Nothing attacked him, so he felt quite safe.

"Hey, I wonder…" he thought out loud. As Cyborg and Starfire arrived on the platform he slipped the heels over his boots. He closed his eyes, clicked his heels three times and murmured, "There's no place like home."

In a flash Beastboy was gone and all that remained were the ruby slippers.

"Wow…" was all Cyborg could bring himself to say.

"Ooo!" Starfire squealed. "My turn!" She dropped her large boots (even larger than Beastboy's) in as well, and to Cyborg's surprise they fit perfectly. She mimicked Beastboy's actions and left in a puff of smoke.

Cyborg scratched the back of his neck before attempting to fit into the dainty slippers. He watched in amazement as the slippers grew to fit snugly around his boots. He closed his eyes, clicked three times, and mumbled, "There's no place like home." Suddenly, the Emerald City was once a peaceful, quiet city devoid of all inhabitants.

* * *

"Rachel!"

Raven snapped back to reality. She closed the Bible in her hands and shoved it in her dresser drawer. She grabbed the ivory dress lying on her bed and flung it over her head.

A loud knock echoed through the door.

"Rachel, are you in there?" Edmund shouted.

"Just a second," Raven assured him. She straightened the gown and tied an elegant embroidered white ribbon at the waist.

"Really, Rachel?" Edmund asked her. "The guests are starting to arrive."

"I said just a second!" Raven bellowed. She clasped a strand of pearls around her neck and daintily thrust a pair of dangling pearls into her ears. She stuck her small feet into a white pair of slippers and added a pair of elbow length gloves as a final touch.

She appraised herself one last time in the mirror, took a deep breath, and opened the door. Edmund was so startled that he nearly choked on his champagne.

"Is it really that horrid?" Raven asked him. His eyes darted everywhere at once, and for a while he could find no words.

"No!" he exclaimed. "No, no, it's perfect. You look like an angel." Raven blushed and looked at her gloved hands bashfully.

"You really think so?" she asked humbly.

"Yes," he said with certainty. "Shall I escort you downstairs, milady?" He offered his right arm jokingly.

"Good sir, you may," Raven answered playfully, and looped his arm through his. Together they skipped down the hallway to the pinnacle of the staircase. (You can't very well skip down a staircase. During Mary and Edmund's childhood it was the number one cause of injury.)

"Rachel," he began anxiously as they trod the first step/

"Yes Edmund?" she replied.

"I was wondering…" he stuttered.

"Yes…" she prodded.

"I was wondering…" he raced, "if I could solicit the first dance." He looked very red, as red as his hair (so much so that it was hard to distinguish which was which) and it certainly was a sight to behold.

Raven was momentarily surprised but regained her composure. "Of course!" she answered. "You're my cousin."

This seemed to calm Edmund down and his face returned to normal colouring. Suddenly they were among the throng of people at the foot of the stairs. She took her station next to Mary and began to greet people.

"Hello Mrs. Jones."

"Why dearie, you haven't changed a bit."

"Good evening, Mr. Carfeather."

"How do you do?"

It went on and on… and on. There was an endless stream of black jackets and white dresses. Pleasantries were exchanged, and some were interesting while most just bored poor Raven.

As the line grew shorter and shorter, Raven caught a glimpse of Mr. Princely (ugh) and his friend. Mr. Princely was blocking her view of her face, and that was all very well for Raven, since she didn't really want to considering he as a friend of the dastardly (in her eyes. To everyone else he was quite charming.) Mr. Princely.

The hour was upon her quite soon. She could hardly spell before he was greeting Mary next to her.

"May I have the first dance Mary?" he inquired, his voice oozing with charm. Mary smiled, giggled uncontrollably and nodded. And so the winsome Mr. Princely moved onto Raven, having just made her cousin extremely happy.

Raven curtsied with a curt, "Mr. Princely."

Mr. Princely bowed and replied, "Ouch. That stings, Lady Roth."

She stared defiantly at him, willing him to go away.

"My my, Lady Roth. It seems you become more beautiful every time I see you." She brought her gaze to the ground. "I know you are occupied for the first dance," he whispered smoothly in her ears. "I trust that I will get the second." And with that he walked smugly into the ballroom.

(If Raven had bothered to look in Edmund's general direction during that last conversation she would have found him making polite conversation with Mr. Swaggle, while simultaneously glaring daggers at his friend.)

The next guest walked rigidly up to Raven and she didn't bother to look. She was too busy sulking to look at his face, but she did notice his impeccably shiny boots.

The man introduced himself as Captain Richard Grayson.

Raven had to admit it was a familiar-sounding name, but she couldn't remember where she had heard it.

"Lady Rachel Roth," Raven mumbled. (Her last encounter with Mr. Princely had not left her in a good mood.) She curtsied slowly and brought her gaze back up. All of the captain's clothes were superbly pressed and in pristine condition. He had long, _clean _(in stark contrast with most of the male population) ebony hair and a curious looking smile. He blinked and she found herself drawn into his well-known icy blue eyes.

"Raven?"


	13. Part the Thirteenth

Dear Reader,

Band Geek Letter 1 has been very sick of late. She feels very lonely at home. I feel very sorry for the poor girl. Being a book, I've never been sick a day in my life. However, I have read several articles on various sicknesses (the shifty bookstore owner in Milan kept a great deal of scientific journals) and I do say that it doesn't sound like a pleasant experience. But enough about Band Geek Letter 1's woes. I've kept you in suspense long enough.

Sincerely,

_**THE BOOK**_

_**

* * *

**_

Petticoats and Roses

By _**THE BOOK**_

Part the Thirteenth

The Ball

"_Lady Rachel Roth, being quite a bit perturbed by her encounter with Mr. Princely, did not look upon the face of the next guest. The well-groomed man introduced himself as Captain Richard Grayson of the H.M.S. New Beginning, and she curtly replied. As custom dictated she curtsied for her new acquaintance, and he bowed in return. Finally, she raised her eyes to meet Captain Grayson's, and found herself staring into bright blue pools. _

"_Recognition flashed across Captain Grayson's face as he murmured, 'Raven?' _Cy, what are you doing?"

Beastboy's reading halted as Cyborg jumped off the couch ecstatically and danced wildly in circles (if you could even call it dancing. It was all just a bunch of hopping and wiggling of fingers.)

"Friend Cyborg, I do not understand," Starfire asked. "Why are you so, as they say, giddy?"

"Don't you see?" Cyborg enlightened them. "There's only one person who could have possibly known that she is Raven, so Captain Grayson, by default, must be Robin!"

"It's about time he made an appearance!" Beastboy exclaimed happily. "Now, if you're done celebrating, let's find out what happens next."

* * *

"Raven?" Captain Grayson exclaimed in surprise. Raven's eyes widened at the mention of her name. She examined Captain Grayson closely and found that despite the lack of identity-concealing mask and the fact that he did not look like he was directing traffic, he did bear some resemblance to her missing comrade. That, and the only logical explanation was that only Robin could have known who she was gave Raven the proof needed to confirm his identity.

"Robin?" she gasped. Each of the Lorrings whirled around, mouths agape. Who was this person who greeted their cousin so informally? That and other unanswered questions circulated in their brains.

"Robin, you're alive!" Raven whispered excitedly, taking notice of the amount of attention they had gathered.

"Obviously," he stated. "But I'm so glad to see you! I would hug you, but if there's one thing I've learned in my years with them, it's that such embraces between an unmarried and unrelated pair are frowned upon. These people are such sticklers on civility. I'll ask you to dance later." Winking at her, he strode into the ballroom.

Robin's sudden reappearrance had left Raven quite in a daze, and she stumbled through the few greetings left. When finally the line had altogether disappeared Edmund offered her his arm while Mary latched onto . They led each of their respective partners to the end of a line of couples. The Lorrings signaled for the music to begin, and a curious scene unfolded.

For the first half of the dance, Mr. Lorring's attention was wholly fixed upon his beauteous partner. He happened to glance away for a single moment, and noticed Mr. Princely, who seemed to be chatting away with his sister, but was really focused on Edmund's own dance partner. Thus, Edmund spent the second half of the dance glaring at Mr. Princely, who was enthralled with Raven, who was searching for Robin among the throng. Finally, she located him entertaining her aunt and uncle. She breathed a sigh of relief- at least they liked him.

The music ceased- she curtsied to her cousin and waited for her doom. It did not take long at all. Mr. Princely appeared moments later and clapped his friend on the back.

"Edmund, me old chap," he smiled. "Mind if I cut in?" Edmund grumbled inaudibly and left his cousin to the mercy of his friend.

"Lady Rachel," he breathed and kissed her gloved hand. Raven drew her hand back hastily, gave an exasperated sigh and curtsied as the music began again. The spirited mazurka would have left anyone else speechless, but talk Mr. Princely did.

"It is lovely weather we are having," Mr. Princely declared, "though nothing could be lovlier than you." Raven blushed, then realized what she was doing. She willed herself to narrow her eyes at Mr. Princely and then _accidentally_ stomped on his foot.

"Oops, how clumsy of me," she feigned innocence. "I am such a terrible dancer."

"Nonsense, dear lady," Mr. Princely argued. "You are a magnificent dancer. The best I've seen in years."

"Your flattery will get you nowhere, sir," Raven proclaimed steely. "Your charm may work on other girls, but I tell you right now that it will not work on me." Mr. Princely's grin faded and his calm demeanor of confidence disappearred.

"You are right, you know," he stated with an air of melancholy. "My arrogance is a fault of which I am not fond of. All my life, I've gotten what I've wanted by lacing requests with compliments and sweet nothings. You are the first woman in years not to swoon at the sight of me. I envy the man who catches your eye."

Raven felt oddly, er… flattered by that last compliment, but she responded as civilly as possible. "When you have been bombarded by twenty-seven men vying for your fortune, tell me it would not change you."

"Oh, you are quite funny, Lady Roth," Mr. Princely guffawed quite loudly.

The melodious mazurka came to a close and the line of couples clapped for the orchestra.

"It certainly has been an enlightening experience," Mr. Princely remarked, "and I look forward to more time in your stimulating company." He left Raven feeling thoroughly confused. She wandered over to a bench where she sat and mulled over that last conversation.

Mr. Princely seemed now to have two personalities- a lecherous dandy and a gentleman. Raven could not make heads or tails of the situation. Who was the real Mr. Princely?

"Pretty girls should not sit by themselves," a voice jerked her out of her confusing thoughts. "Would you care to dance?" The man walked out from behind the shadows, revealing himself to be Robin.

"Of course, Captain Grayson," Raven answered politely, and stood up. Robin led her away to the dance floor. (A glare was directed at Robin from Edmund, but he didn't see.) The musicians began a slow waltz, perfect for conversation.

"I had no idea you were such a good dancer," Robin commented as she she twirled around him.

"I have no idea what I am doing," Raven whispered to him. "Lady Rachel is apparently a most excellent dancer, so that makes me one too. I wouldn't be surprised if I lost this ability as soon as we return to Jump City." A dark cloud passed over Robin's face. In an attempt to dispel it, Raven added, "Of course, you are not too shabby yourself."

"Well, I've had practice," Robin replied. "Seven years does wonders for bad dancers."

"Seven years!" Raven gasped. "I've only been here for almost seven months. What happened to you?"

"I'll have to tell you later," Robin observed. "There are too many people around. They might get suspicious."

"Would you care to have tea tomorrow?" Raven offered.

" 'Twould be delightful," Robin answered. "I've been warmed up to tea. They don't really drink much coffee in England, although I do have the pleasure of drinking brew in America, when I travel there."

"America?" Raven exclaimed.

"I have much to tell you of," Robin responded.

The evening continued on. Raven danced once more with Edmund and Robin, (two was the respected number. Any number more showed favoritism.) and with a great number of other people. She found, for once, that she was enjoying herself. She danced, blissfully unaware of the onesided staring contest occuring between her cousin and his friend, who paused long enough to glare at Robin, who wandered around with Mr. Princely, cheerfully whistling and speaking on various things, as friends do.

Mr. Princely was most certainly not regretting bringing along his cheery friend, while the same could not be said for Edmund. He regretted ever inviting his friend to Summerhaven. But what was done could not be undone, and so daggers shot forth from his eyes. If looks could kill…

The ball finally ended in the early morning hours and Raven retired to her room. As she lay awake that night, she dwelled on all that had happened. It took her a long time to fall asleep, for the thoughtful mind does not rest, and there were no sleeping aids.


	14. Part the Fourteenth

Dear Reader,

I must apologize most profusely for the recent lack of updates. One thing after another has gotten in the way of my typing. Band Geek Letter 1 came down with nasty case of pneumonia and her persistent coughing kept me up at night. The next week, she brought me with her to China. Although they didn't know it, I got to meet some very interesting Chinese people. Band Geek Letter 1, however, was very sick of Chinese food by the time she got home- I doubt she will eat any in the next few months.

Of course, as soon as she got back she was bombed with make-up work and a huge video project. It was not so bad for her, since she absolutely adores making videos, but for a poor book that cannot see, the experience was not pleasant.

Now that I have listed my excuses, I shall begin the installment everyone has been waiting for.

Sincerely,

_**THE BOOK

* * *

**_

Petticoats and Roses

By _**THE BOOK**_

Part the Fourteenth

Return of the Boy Blunder

The next morning the Lorrings gathered around the table, earnestly devouring the runny fried eggs and crunchy golden toast.

"How was the ball yesterday, my dear?" Aunt Lorring asked Raven as she buttered her bread.

"Oh, it was delightful," Raven praised adamantly. She popped a piece of egg in her mouth and continued. "I met so many interesting people."

"It seemed you had already met one of them," Edmund insinuated from the other end of the table, as he absentmindedly poked his lunch.

"Oh," Raven exclaimed. "You mean Captain Grayson."

"Yes," Edmund answered, a hint of jealousy in his voice (although Raven could never find it. She was so daft when it came to these things.) "How did you come to know the man?"

"He's an old acquaintance," Raven replied, and then hastily added, "from London."

"Oh, I see," Edmund commented, as though it seemed he did believe what he said. His mother shot him a look and all talk on the subject ceased.

"Captain Grayson will join us for tea," Raven informed her family, which caused three sets of eyebrows to raise and a scowl to resurface. "And now, I shall excuse myself to the library until then." Raven daintily pushed back her chair and left the table in a swish.

* * *

The Lorrings silently continued to munch on their delectable toast until Lady Lorring threw down the poor piece of bread and screamed, "I cannot take it anymore! I must know. What do you think of Rachel and Captain Grayson?"

Sir Lorring was momentarily surprised by his wife's sudden outburst, but he soon overcame this and commented, "It was so odd, the way they greeted one another. Raven and Robin. Perhaps they were childhood friends in London."

"Oh, pooh!" Mary exclaimed. "You make it sound so boring. I think they were secret lovers while Rachel was at finishing school, and that they met each other only at night using the codenames Raven and Robin."

"Certainly a romantic idea," Lady Lorring responded, "but I think they must have been pen pals. They probably only met once and addressed the letters to 'Raven' and 'Robin'. What do you think, Edmund?"

"Harrumph," was Edmund's reply.

"Well, we must observe them very carefully if we wish to ascertain the truth," Sir Lorring remarked.

"I shall go speak with her," Mary informed them. "She is more likely to take me into confidence." She jumped from the table and skipped merrily down the corridor.

* * *

She found Raven is the library, once again buried in the exploits of Miss Lydia.

"My, my, Rachel!" Mary commented. "You have become quite bookish, haven't you?" Raven jumped out of sheer surprise, but thankfully the book did not land on her foot this time.

"Mary!" She exclaimed. "I didn't see you coming. I was quite afeard, you know."

"What is so interesting about that book anyways?" Mary wondered.

"It is about a girl who is determined to remain a spinster," Raven replied.

"Oh, how dreadful!"

"It is, isn't it? Miss Lydia's (that is, the spinster's) young ward has run away with a coxcomb!"

"Scandalous!"

"Miss Lydia is searching for her ward at this very moment with a man she refused to marry earlier and a fiery man who appears to be in love with the missing girl."

"That truly is remarkable," Mary mentioned. "I shall have to pick it up for myself one day. But tell me, do you intend to remain a spinster?"

"Heavens no," Raven calmed her. "I have rejected twenty-seven proposals in the last three years, but I'm only eighteen. I have plenty of time to fall in love."

"But are you not in love already?" Mary posed.

"What? With who?" Raven asked, surprised. "I was not aware of this."

"With Captain Grayson, of course," Mary replied meekly.

"Me?" Raven chortled. "And Captain Grayson? In love? Haha! That is hilarious!" She guffawed and wiped a tear from her eye. "No, no, we're just good friends. Lovers, haha! What a riot!"

"Then how do you explain the nicknames?" Mary interrupted.

"The nicknames?" Raven ceased chuckling.

"What nicknames?" She asked nervously.

"You know, Raven and Robin," Mary prodded.

Raven contemplated this dilemma for a moment. If she told her cousin the truth, that in an alternate dimension Raven was her superhero alias, and that the illustrious United States of America was a superpower (America had only recently won it's independence), Mary would think her quite a lunatic. She concluded that silence was the best option.

"If I told you the real reason," Raven explained, "you wouldn't believe me."

Mary smirked and proclaimed, "You are in love!"

"No, I am most certainly not!" Raven denied vehemently, and threw a pillow at her happily retreating cousin.

* * *

"What news have you?" Lady Lorring inquired as Mary plopped back in her chair.

"Well," Mary began. "She claimed they were just friends, but provided no reason for the unusual codenames. Therefore, I concluded that they must be lovers!"

"Harrumph," came from Edmund.

"Oh dear, do you really think?" Sir Lorring asked.

"I am quite positive," Mary replied. "I have an eye for such things."

"If you did you would have noticed your precious Mr. Princely slithering all over our fair cousin," Edmund grumbled under his breath.

"What was that, Edmund?" Lady Lorring questioned her son. "No matter, I have just thought of a most brilliant explanation!"

"What is it, dearest mother?" Mary asked excitedly.

"Well, Rachel was sent to boarding school in London. Mayhap Captain Grayson had a sister there or something. He was introduced to Rachel and let's say, oh, instantly fell in love. With much wooing I am sure Rachel could be induced to fall in love as well. Maybe they became secretly engaged because Rachel was too young. Perhaps that is why she has turned down twenty-seven proposals!"

"By Jove, mother," Mary exclaimed. "You've outdone yourself!" And whilst mother and daughter giggled and tittered and laughed, Edmund picked up his newspaper and excused himself without a word. And if poor Raven could hear the ridiculous stories being said about her, she would have stormed out too.

* * *

Teatime arrived soon. The eager Lorrings assembled around the table and anxiously awaited the arrival of their guest. Lady Lorring and Mary were looking for proof of their outlandish theories, and Edmund was sulking in a corner. He didn't see what was so exciting about Captain Grayson.

Raven entered the room and took her seat next to the ever-chatting Mary.

"What are you so excited about?" Raven asked her cousin when she noticed Mary's extreme hyperness.

"Evidence!" Mary cried. "Your captain is bound to let something slip!"

"Wait, wait, wait!" Raven responded. "My captain? Since when was Captain Grayson under my possession?"

Mary merely grinned in reply as the clock struck three with a loud chime. Williams suddenly appeared in the doorway and announced, "Captain Grayson, master." The party rose to meet their guest as custom dictated as said guest entered the room. Raven smiled to herself- at least he hadn't lost his punctuality.

"Good day," Robin offered his salutations as he bowed. "May I sit?"

The Lorrings all curtsied or bowed as per their gender and Lady Lorring bubbled, "Oh, of course. Sit right there next to Rachel." The Lorrings and Raven sat down while Robin looked all the way across the room to his seat. To reach it he'd have to dodge numerous chairs, tables, and precious vases. He had almost made it to his place when his hip knocked against an unsteady table, sending a priceless vase several feet in the air. With the reflexes of a cheetah he ducked and rolled, catching the vase an inch above the ground. The assembled Lorrings released a breath they didn't realize they were holding as he carefully stood up.

"Sorry, I am so terribly clumsy," he apologized as he set the vase back on the table and plopped down in his chair.

"The Boy Blunder strikes again," Raven remarked. Under her breath she added, "You would think that all those martial arts would help his balance."

All eyes immediately turned toward Raven, but she was rendered speechless by her accidental slip.

"Boy Blunder was my nickname," Robin hastily explained, directing their attention away from Raven. "I am quite accident prone. Of course, it was better when I lived all my life on land, but now I spend part of the year on the high seas and I haven't got my land legs yet."

"Oh, how interesting," Sir Lorring commented (although he really wasn't.) The near debacle diverted, the interest of the party returned to their tea (except for Mary and Lady Lorring, of course. Their interest was solely fixed upon Raven's friend.)

Robin took a sip of his tea and stole a glance at Raven.

"So," Lady Lorring startled him. "How did you meet our fair cousin?"

"Well…" he began, "my sister Beatrice went to the same boarding school in London…" Robin paused and a collective giggle burst from the lips of Lady Lorring and Mary. He peered at them incredulously and they quieted down.

"I'm terrible with names," he continued. "Lady Roth, what was the name of that school again?"

"The Londonderry Prepatory School for Girls," Raven interjected.

"Thank you. Beatrice and Lady Roth were the best of friends, and as a result, we were often thrown in one another's company." Another giggle abruptly pierced the silence. Robin raised an eyebrow at Raven and she shrugged her shoulders. He smiled at her, and then down into his teacup, at which point guffaws erupted from the two flittering exaggerators on the other end of the table. Steely, Raven glared at her aunt and cousin until they quieted themselves.

Tea continued much in the same fashion, with Raven or Robin doing something to set off the twittering ladies, with glaring ensuing not a moment after the first syllable escaped someone's lips, and the process repeated itself until Edmund had had enough and declared that he would like to go for a walk. Robin quite agreed, and offered his arm to Raven, who gladly took it, eager to get away from her scheming nearest relations.

Edmund, crawling sulkily, and Mary, cheerily skipping, plodded along at a distance behind them, and once they were out of earshot, Robin spoke.

"Do you know what all that giggling was about?"

"Possibly," Raven answered.

"Pray, do enlighten me," Robin pleaded.

"Well, it was just some ludicrous theory they had about us being in love…" Raven replied.

Robin blinked and then they both chuckled, which soon turned into roaring laughter. Robin clutched his belly as he nearly turned blue from lack of oxygen.

"I immediately knew this to be ridiculous, as you are already in love," Raven got out through bursts of laughter.

"I am?" Robin exclaimed, pausing mid-chuckle. "Why has no one informed me of this?"

"Aren't you still in love with Starfire?" Raven asked.

* * *

Beastboy trailed off after the sentence on Miss Kori Anders and nestled a bookmark between the pages.

"I think that's enough for one night," he commented and yawned.

"No, it is not," Starfire commanded. "I will face the truth. If Robin has fallen out of the love, then I am willing to accept his decision."

"Very well," Beastboy sighed and resumed reading.

* * *

A glossy look came over Robin's eyes.

"Starfire," he murmured. "In truth, I had forgotten about our teammates. Seven and a half years is a long time."

So," Raven inquired awkwardly, "you are not still in love with Starfire?"

"My love for her waned until it existed no more. So you see, it is entirely possible for me to be in love with you." Raven examined the thought in her head, yet she could not find some way to make the thought less awkward. They strolled together in an uncomfortable silence until a new thought popped into Raven's head.

"You haven't told me of you adventure!" She remembered.

"You are quite right," Robin answered. "It all began…"


	15. Part the Fifteenth

Dear Reader,

Finally, Part the Fifteenth has been completed! I spent days trying to get Band Geek Letter One to write, but she was very busy. She took me with her on a trip to Canada (the weather there was very nice), and brought me to Ocean City two days later. But now this section is complete.

I hope you enjoy.

Sincerely,

_**THE BOOK**_

_**

* * *

**_

Petticoats and Roses

By _**THE BOOK**_

Part the Fifteenth

The Life and Times of Captain Grayson

Robin could feel a feathery mattress underneath him as he regained consciousness. 'Perhaps someone has brought me to the infirmary," he thought and blinked in the bright light. To his surprise, he found himself in a small old-fashioned room, wall-papered with a curious design of naval flags. A large metal basin and matching pitcher occupied the bureau in the corner, and even curiouser, there were no lights-only candles.

Upon finding himself in such abnormal surroundings, Robin screamed.

"What is it, brother?" a voice shouted and a young girl flung open the door. The petite creature, almost the spitting image of Robin, looked to be in her early teens. She ran to his side and felt his forehead.

"The fever has broken," she informed him. But just to be sure, she placed another cool cloth on his forehead.

"Who…" Robin mumbled. "Who are you?"

"Don't you recognize your own sister?" she asked.

Robin shook his head. Peering closely at his face, she gasped at the sight of his eyes.

"You're not my brother," she trembled. "His eyes are grey. Who are you and how came you to resemble him so closely?"

"Please," Robin inquired, holding his head, "what year is it?"

The girl started at the odd question but regained her composure and answered, "It is the year of our lord 1799. Who are you?"

The room span as Robin tried to make sense of the situation. '_1799? But how could it be?' _Thoughts swam in his head like the great whirlpool Charybdis.

"My name is Robin," he answered slowly. "In the future I run a team of vigilantes, the Teen Titans. We endeavor to protect the world from any villains it encounters."

The girl remained silent throughout Robin's explanation, but added a question after he was finished. "And do you know where my brother is?"

"No," Robin answered gravely. "I am afraid I do not."

The girl pursed her lips. "I suppose it cannot be helped. You will have to pose as my brother until he returns. It could work; the likeness is uncanny." She brought a hand to his face and examined it again.

"If I am to play the part of your brother," Robin responded. "Mustn't I first know the name of my sister?"

"I am Miss Beatrice Grayson," she introduced herself with a curtsy. "But my brother calls me Bea. You are Richard Grayson, currently studying at the Royal Naval Academy. Or you were until you came down with a nasty bout of brain fever."

"How many years do I have left?" Robin asked his new sister.

"You graduate in a few days," she replied, "after which you shall embark upon a ship and sail the seven seas. Do you know anything of vessels and seafaring?"

Robin closed his eyes and bits of knowledge flooded his memory. "Oddly, yes."

"Good," Beatrice responded, "I shall only have to teach you the personal aspects…"

* * *

Birds chirped in the trees above them as Robin lead Raven through the winding path down by the lake. Raven's lavender parasol floated above her as she daintily avoided small pebbles that would trip her petite slippered feet.

"And so, I was able to maintain the image of Lieutenant Grayson with Bea's help. After three years of serving aboard the H.M.S. Maine, I was given command over the newly built H.M.S. Lionheart," Robin continued as he lifted Raven over a particularly large root.

"Amazing," Raven commented while she slipped on a particularly wet patch of mud and landed smack in Robin's arms. Her breath momentarily hitched in her throat as she gazed into his startlingly blue eyes.

"You… you…you must have had many adventures," she said after she regained her composure.

She quickly changed the subject and inquired, "Pardon my asking, but why are you friends with Mr. Princely?"

"I thought you might ask that," Robin responded as he stared out over the placid lake. "You don't seem to like him very much. My story may persuade you otherwise."

* * *

It was a warm September when Robin stepped off the gangplank. It had been his maiden voyage on the H.M.S. Maine as lieutenant and it was exhilarating. He took one last breath of the salty sea air as he braced himself for the dim, foggy and muggy air of London.

After an exceedingly long ride by coach to the city, he hailed a hackney and at once set off for his apartment. It seemed quite odd for Robin to return to civilian life after so long at sea, but it was hurricane season, and half of the King's ships had returned to jolly old England. It was also odd, Robin thought, to ring one's own doorbell, but he did so without delay.

The door was answered by a tall wiry fellow with curly golden locks and eyes that danced. Impeccably dressed, the almost dandiprat's smile widened into a grin when he looked upon Robin, who only looked upon him with unrecognition.

"Richard!" the man cried, and immediately pulled the surprised and equally confused Robin into a bear hug. "It is so good to see you," the man continued. With one final squeeze the man unclamped himself from Robin.

"Well?" the man grinned.

"Do I know you?" Robin asked as he grabbed his portmanteau and pushed past the man into his rooms.

"What!" the ma exclaimed. "Don't tell me you've forgotten!"

Robin looked the man up and down, and then sharply nodded.

"Come on now," the man pleaded. " It's me, Joshua Princely, from Boarding School."

"Name doesn't ring a bell," Robin answered as a butler approached him.

"Shall I alert your sister to your arrival, sir?" the butler inquired monotonously.

"Certainly," Robin replied and handed the man his hat.

"So, after three years in the Naval Academy and one year out to sea, you've forgotten all the little people who helped you get there?" Mr. Princely asked hotly, false tears welling in his eyes, when suddenly the tearing stopped.

"Correct me if I'm wrong," he commented, "but weren't your eyes grey?"

"Nonsense," Robin replied, now sweating profusely, "they've always been blue."

"Must have been that country air," Mr. Princely explained. "While it may be great for a man's health, it does horrid things to one's eyesight, making one think one's best friend's eyes were gray instead of blue."

At this point, Robin plopped down in a chair.

"Of course, it may have been the extra sunlight. Did you notice? I'm almost red as a beat. It's practically shameful. For once I'd like to go out in the sun without my skin burning and peeling. Perhaps, if we wore some sort of protective lotion… I know! I shall call it sunscreen!"

"Oh, hello Mr. Princely," Beatrice's small voice greeted him. Straightening his back, Mr. Princely grinned elegantly at the young woman.

"Why, hello there Beatrice," he greeted her, the words dripping viscously off his tongue. "I must say you look positively delightful."

Beatrice paid him no mind, and turned to her brother. "How was your trip back?"

Robin was about to answer her inquisition when Mr. Princely suddenly burst in.

"Miss Grayson, please talk some sense into your brother. He refuses to acknowledge me, his dear friend from boarding school!"

Beatrice winked at her brother and said," Of course he knows you, Mr. Princely," she assured him. "He's only kidding."

"Yes, sir," Robin added, rising to embrace the man he'd never met. "I was only messing with your noggin."

"Well, don't mess with it so much," Mr. Princely replied. "Did you know, Miss Grayson, that I had always believed your brother's eyes to be gray? And now I find that they are not gray at all, but blue!"

Stuttering, Beatrice answered, "I seem to recollect that he has always had eyes of the deepest blue."

"Really," Mr. Princely asked. "I must be going bonkers."

"Nonsense, dear Josh," Robin smiled. "You've only lost a few of your marbles." Patting his friend on the back, Robin left him standing there as he walked out the door with his sister.

"Wait…" Mr. Princely pondered aloud.

He ran off after the long gone duo calling out, "Isn't that the same thing!"

* * *

"Wow," Raven commented. "Mr. Princely sounds so…. different." She picked up a small pebble and flung it into the lake.

"Yes," Robin replied. "I believe that he lacks confidence in himself around women, and thus he results to obsequious consequences." He too reached down, picked up a pebble, and skipped it across the glassy waters.

"Oh, you think?" Raven wondered, her eyes searching the lake for any signs of life.

"No, I don't think," Robin said flatly. "He told me. Oh look," he pointed, "a purple fish."

"Oh," Raven blushed. "You said your story might make me tolerate his company. Is that all? While I am slightly intrigued, I have not changed my sentiments."

"I was getting there," Robin informed her sarcastically, "when I was cruelly interrupted."

"I apologize," Raven responded comically, "Pray continue." Robin offered her his arm again and they resumed their journey around the lake.

"Ahem," Robin cleared his throat. "About five months later, Joshua approached me with a unique problem."

* * *

"Richard?" A tentative knock sounded through the wooden door to Captain Grayson's temporary office. "Are you busy?"

"No," Robin answered as he stuffed some papers in the wastebasket, returning the room to its immaculate state. "Come right on in."

Mr. Princely rushed in, closed and locked the door behind him. Almost immediately, he dashed to the open window, flung the shutters and locked them. He proceeded to chop the curtains in a manner similar to the self-defense techniques learned and employed by bumbling French detectives. Only once satisfied that there was no one hiding behind the voluminous curtains did he pull his chair up to Robin's desk.

Robin regarded his friend curiously and inquired, "What can I do for you, Josh?"

"Richard," Mr. Princely said quite simply, " are you aware that your dear sister has been seeing a notorious criminal behind your back for the past two months?"

"No, I had not!" Robin responded as he stood. "And on what basis do you make this accusation?"

"Do you know Mr. Peters?" Mr. Princely asked.

"Though I see no relation, yes," Robin replied.

"Beatrice and Mr. Peters have been secretly meeting each other."

"And what is wrong with that?" Robin wondered. "As long as they marry soon, I see no problem."

"You don't understand!" Mr. Princely exploded at his oblivious friend, his face contorted in a strange mixture of anger, frustration and sadness. "Mr. Peters is _not_ who he appears to be. Why, he is a scoundrel and a rogue! Pretending to love women, he secretly purloins their inheritances and then runs off with their chastity, their honor, and their money!" Now positively livid, Mr. Princely smacked the desk for good measure as he stood.

"And what proof do you have?" Robin asked angrily. Mr. Princely's anger and frustration melted away and small tears formed as he sank back into his chair.

"My dear cousin, Emily," he cried, "was his victim." Slipping, sliding, dripping, the tears cascaded down his face like a waterfall as he narrated his story.

"It was a delightful summer," he began, wiping a tear from his eye. "Emily had only been out in society for a few months. Already she had garnered numerous suitors, but she remained above them all. That is, until our party made the acquaintance of a certain Mr. Peters. Though she was not easily smitten, at first disregarding her conquest, she soon fell under his spell. And then one day she was gone."

"Did you search for her?" Robin inquired.

"Of course!" Mr. Princely emphasized. "We searched for months. By the time we had found her, it was already too late. Mr. Peters had up and left, leaving my cousin with no money, no husband, no prospects, and no honour, since she was with child."

"That is most terrible!" Robin exclaimed. "Whatever happened?"

"Luckily, Emily had another suitor, very much infatuated with her, who married her soon after."

"Well," Robin commented. "At least the story ended well."

Realizing he was still standing, Robin sat back down while Mr. Princely added, "Yes, thank heavens for that."

"But what shall we do about Beatrice?" Robin posed. "If Mr. Peters is this same fellow, my dear sister is in grave danger."

"He _is_ one and the same," Mr. Princely assured him. "I'd know his disgusting visage anywhere. At any rate, I am at this very moment concocting a plan… a test you might call it. Inform Beatrice of a clause in your father's will that prevents her from inheriting her share of the fortune if she marries before the age of twenty-one. She will, of course, relay this information to her beloved Mr. Peters. If he severs all ties we shall know immediately that he is still a rogue. If he can wait that long we shall know that he is reformed."

"My dear friend," Robin complimented him, clapping his friend on the back, "it is brilliant. A most excellent plan. When shall we tell Beatrice?"

Suddenly, a quiet knock interrupted the schemer's nefarious plotting.

"Richard, are you in there?" Beatrice's voice drifted through the door.

"Yes," Robin answered, "come in."

Beatrice jiggled the lock and said blatantly, "It's locked."

"Right," Robin replied, "give me a second." He dexterously leapt from his chair and ran to the door. When he could not locate the key, he turned a question gaze to Mr. Princely. Wordlessly, Mr. Princely pointed to the top corner of the bureau. Robin sent an annoyed look to his friend and grabbed an extra chair. As Beatrice rattled the lock again, Robin felt the dusty top of the bureau.

Wait. Dusty?

"Why is this so dusty?" Robin wondered aloud. "I specifically remember telling the maid to clean every corner of this house." Compulsively, he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a miniature feather duster. In a few quick strokes the bureau resumed its state of immaculate perfection.

"Richard," Mr. Princely reminded him. "The key?"

"Right," Robin stated apologetically. He turned back to the top and easily located the key on the now dust free surface. Loosely grasping the key, he rushed to the door, fumbled with the lock and opened the door to an impatient Beatrice.

"Whatever took you so long?" Bea asked her brother.

"I'm terribly sorry, but I was caught up in dusting the bureau. Did you know that the maid didn't even brush it?"

"Really?" Bea's interest spiked. "Was it crawling with those dreadful dust bunnies?"

"Positively," Robin replied, "but you will be glad to know that I safely disposed of them."

"Richard!" Mr. Princely interrupted. "The plan!"

"Right… Bea, you are just the person I wanted to talk to," Robin exclaimed as he ushered the confused girl inside and shut the door,

"What is this about?" Bea asked in surprise.

"Oh, it's nothing really," Robin answered cheerfully, "merely an obstacle to your happiness."

"Richard, what is it?" Beatrice growled, hands on her hips.

Robin had opened his mouth to speak when he caught sight of his sister's eyes.

"I can't do it. I can't lie to her," Robin stated shamefully.

"Lie to me about what?" Bea questioned her brother, confusion evident on her features.

"I know about Mr. Peters," Robin answered quietly.

As the realization hit Beatrice like a ton of bricks she sank into a chair. "Are you going to forbid me from seeing him?"

"Not yet," Robin comforted his sister. Beatrice blinked up at him quietly and hope returned to her eyes.

"I would like for you to test him. Inform him that you are never to receive your inheritance if you wed before your twenty-first birthday."

"If you wish it," Bea answered after much thought, "I shall tell him immediately." Withdrawn, Beatrice walked slowly out the door.

"And now," Mr. Princely said, "we wait."

* * *

_Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock_. The minute hand moved a fraction of an inch, mocking Robin by refusing to move any faster. A tiny speck of dust landed on Robin's desk and he whipped out his feather duster in time.

"Where is all this dust coming from!" Robin screamed, piercing the silence. Looking up, he noticed Mr. Princely standing above him on a chair, whisking dust off the umbrella tree.

"Sorry," Mr. Princely apologized, "but your behavior is quite amusing."

Robin glared at his friend while Mr. Princely jumped off the chair and landed nimbly on the floor. Suddenly a pattering of footsteps outside interrupts the oncoming showdown. Beatrice rushed into the room, tears welling in her pretty little eyes.

"He doesn't," she sobbed, "lo…lo…love me!" Awkwardly, Robin put his arms around his continually wailing sister. The sensation was quite new to him, as he had not yet comforted a girl unlucky in love.

"Oh, Richard, what do I do!" she cried, water spurting from her closed eyes. "He tried to deflower me!"

"What!" Robin cried, burning flame almost bursting from his ears. "He did what!"

"I said 'He tried to deflower me!' Oh, it was so terrifying, I…"

Robin roared, "Who in blazes does this man think he is!"

"Calm down, Richard," Mr. Princely stated calmly, "We don't have any evidence, and if you do go off, find him, and challenge him to a duel, he'll most likely blast you to smithereens, and I really don't see how that would help your traumatized sister."

"You're right," Robin acknowledged him. "We'll just have to build a case against him." Robin pounded his fist on the desk. "Beatrice, I want you to tell me everything that happened."


	16. Part the Sixteenth

Dear Reader,

It occurred to me as I was rewriting this chapter that nothing much happens in it. I would be perfectly fine if you decided to skip it all together. I believe it is what you would call a "filler". It does further the plot, however slowly, just like that one chapter in S. Morgenstern's The Princess Bride.

If you do take the time out of your busy lives to read it, I hope you enjoy.

Sincerely,

_**THE BOOK

* * *

**_

Petticoats and Roses

By_** THE BOOK**_

Part the Sixteenth

Raven Goes to the Opera

Taking tea with guests had become a regular occurrence at Summerhaven. In fact, Mr. Princely had visited nearly everyday for the past five weeks. On some days, his mysterious friend Captain Grayson joined them, but most of the time Mr. Princely had to excuse his incapacitated friend. With arched brow and smirk on his lips he often said, "The dear captain is simply too exhausted today."

On the present occasion, cousin Rachel sat between Mary's soon-to-be fiancé Mr. Princely and the ever-elusive Captain Grayson. Mary herself was seated across the table next to her brother, the ever-sulking Edmund, whom she continued to annoy with her constant chatter.

"Isn't it wonderful?" Mary asked her brother as she sipped some tea. "Mr. Princely and Rachel are getting along ever so nicely."

Popping a biscuit into her tiny mouth, she chewed, swallowed and then whispered, "You know, dear brother, I was quite worried that Rachel wouldn't like him. She was so cold to him at the ball, even when he asked her to dance. But I have no worry of that now, for they are laughing as if they are old friends." Taking another swig of tea, she waved across the table to her paramour. Though slightly perturbed that he didn't wave back (he was much too engrossed in his conversation with Rachel), she smiled and picked a ripe strawberry from the bowl in the center of the table.

"Aren't you worried?" Edmund asked her.

"About what?" Mary returned, now thoroughly engaged.

"That well, you know," Edmund answered in hushed tones.

"No, I do not," Mary replied sharply. "That is why I asked you."

"Well, that Rachel may accidentally steal his heart," Edmund elaborated quietly.

"What!" Mary exclaimed, quite loudly. Upon noticing the silence after her sudden outburst, she looked around and saw five pairs of curious eyes staring at her. "We've run out of jam," she explained hastily. The others resumed their conversations and she continued hers. "Why would you think such a thing? Rachel would never do that; to do so is the way of a fizgig and we both know a fizgig Rachel is not," she spoke softly in his ear.

"Besides," she smirked, " Methinks _you_ are worried that _he _will steal _her_ away."

"I am not!" he expostulated quietly.

Mary rebutted, "You do too. Everyone, and I mean absolutely everyone except the poor girl herself, knows you have formed an attachment to her. But you really must improve your attitude. Young ladies do not particularly favor sullen and morose fellows."

"What about Captain Grayson?" Edmund protested. "Wherever we go he is mobbed by ladies."

"That is different," Mary answered. " Captain Grayson is mysterious, as well as wealthy and adventurous. You would do well to follow the examples of both your friends."

* * *

Somehow, Raven found herself sandwiched between her exuberant and chatty cousin and the velvet-lined wall of a coach on her way to the opera.

_Earlier that morning…_

"_What!" Mary exclaimed suddenly. Raven paused mid sentence and turned to stare suspiciously at her cousin across the extremely long table. _

_Mary, noticing the awkward silence after her sudden outburst, was startled when she saw five pairs of curious eyes staring at her. "We're out of jam!" she explained quickly. _

_The others were content with her spur-of-the-moment answer, but Raven detected a hint of subterfuge. _

"_Anyways," Mr. Princely continued, "Captain Grayson and I are going to the opera today and we were wondering if you would like to attend."_

"_I believe they are showing Mozart's __The Magic Flute__," Robin added. _

"_That sounds like a splendid idea!" Sir Lorring remarked. "I have heard much of Mozart, the Austrian composer. What do you think, Rachel?" _

"_I do not particularly care—" Raven hesitated._

"_That settles it!" Lady Lorring interrupted. "We'll accompany you tonight."_

"—_for the opera," Raven mumbled, looking at her tea despondently. _

"_Don't worry," Robin comforted her. "It'll be fun." _

"_Are you delirious?" Raven cried, and then lowered her voice. "Robin, it's the opera!"_

"_It's not that bad," Robin replied sheepishly. " I actually enjoy the activity." _

"_The damage is worse than I thought," Raven said in mock horror. _

"_Really, going to the opera with Mr. Princely isn't as bad as it sounds," Robin assured her. _

"_I do not think there is anyway you could plausibly convince me," Raven informed him as her aunt sighed loudly. _

"_Dearest, I forgot," Lady Lorring explained, "our carriage only seats four!"_

"_Aw, shucks. And I was looking forward to it," Raven stated sarcastically. _

"_Oh, that's not problem," Mr. Princely offered. "Sir Lorring can ride with is. There's something in particular I would like to discuss with him." _

_Mary brightened considerably and Sir Lorring commented, "What an excellent suggestion." _

'_Drat,' thought Raven._

And that was how Raven found herself in a carriage rattling towards certain doom—the opera.

"I am ever so excited," Mary babbled, "about this opera. I've heard that it is a glorious romance. Nothing will deter these two lovers! Romantic, is it not?"

"You certainly are in a blithe mood," Raven noted glumly.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Mary asked innocently and then whispered, "Mr. Princely has asked to see my father alone, which can only mean one thing: he is finally going to ask for my hand!"

Mary giggled, and noticing Raven's sullen mood, told her, "Perk up, coz! If you sour any longer you will end up like Edmund."

"I heard that!" Edmund interjected resentfully from the other side of the carriage.

"Be quiet, sourpuss," Mary teased.

As Mary droned, Edmund brooded, and the carriage rumbled on, Raven's eyelids began to droop. Her line of vision decreased while her eyelids dropped… and dropped… and dropped. She stifled a yawn and her body slowly collapsed into the wooden bench.

Suddenly the carriage jerked to a stop, sending the drowsy Raven careening across the cabin into her cousin.

"Oh, hello Rachel," Edmund greeted awkwardly when he noticed the sudden weight sprawled across him.

"Pardon me," she mumbled apologetically and scrambled almost unsuccessfully off her blushing cousin. She made the mistake of standing up in the diminutive carriage and bumped her head. Rubbing her bruised cranium, she stepped forward and stubbed her toe on the wall through her slipper.

'Could this day get any worse?' Raven thought. Her question was answered when the carriage door sprung open to reveal a cheerful Mr. Princely, a blazing smile plastered on his face.

"Good evening, Lady Roth," he smiled larger.

"Oh joy," Raven muttered to herself. It wasn't that she didn't like Mr. Princely- in fact, she was quite fond of him now- she just didn't want to be with someone who was so blatantly happy while she was grumpy.

"Good evening, Mr. Princely," she grumbled in response. Mr. Princely held out his hand, and grudgingly she accepted the help down.

"Allow Captain Grayson and myself to escort you inside," Mr. Princely grinned as he and the Captain each linked arms with her.

The stately opera house rose before the trio, towering ivory pillars gleaming, glowing, and glimmering in the lantern light. Leading to the great gaping jaws of death, a marble staircase descended past Corinthian columns down to their feet-at least that was Raven's perspective.

"You seem particularly cheerful," Raven commented as they ascended the stairs and Mr. Princely's grin spread even wider.

"Why wouldn't I be?" he replied. "I am attending the opera with my two best friends and soon I will have cause for even greater joy." Acknowledging Raven's doleful expression, he asked, "What is the matter, Lady Rachel?"

"She is not fond of the opera," Robin cut in.

As Raven shot Robin a dark glance Mr. Princely chuckled and proclaimed, "That is because she has not been to it with me. Lady Roth, I personally guarantee a pleasant evening."

"Good luck with that," Raven challenged him as they traversed the marble stairs.

Far behind them, Mary could hardly contain her exuberance.

"Oh, Edmund, can you believe it?" she acquiesced, her eyes bright. "Soon I shall be Mrs. Mary Princely. Is it not a most glorious occasion?"

"Are you absolutely sure that is the reason he spoke to Father?" Edmund asked her gently.

"Of course, silly!" Mary answered. "What other reason could he have?"

"I am just offering a suggestion," Edmund hastily began, "but what if he was inquiring about our pheasants or for Rachel's hand?"

"Poppycock!" Mary shouted. "Everyone knows that Mr. Princely loves me."

"Then why is he escorting Rachel instead of you?" Edmund interrogated her.

"That is easy," Mary replied. "It is against decorum to leave an unmarried woman alone with an unrelated bachelor. Mr. Princely is simply protecting Raven's innocence. If Mr. Princely were to have escorted me, either you or Captain Grayson would have had to chaperone us, leaving Rachel with someone who is not her brother or father, since you are still eligible to marry her. Thus the most logical choice was for Rachel to be escorted by both Captain Grayson and Mr. Princely."

Mary finished her longwinded explanation and looked at her dazed brother. "Do you need me to repeat that?"

"No!" Edmund shouted instantaneously, and then added, "I'll take your word for it."

Extemporaneously, Raven and her escorts reached the pinnacle of the staircase. Chestnut doors with gilded knobs, guarded by two gaudily dressed porter stood at the gateway to certain doom- women with braids and Viking helmets singing ridiculously high notes. The lithe porters, each arrayed in heeled slippers, fancy knickers, a powdered wig, and a rosy jacket adorned with silver braid and champagne buttons, acknowledged the group as Mr. Princely introduced himself.

"Mr. Princely," he bowed, "with Captain Grayson escorting the lovely Lady Roth."

The porters arched their brows but said not a word while they opened the creaking door by the gilded doorknobs. Light blazed through the doorway, blinding Raven until she grew accustomed to the colored lights reflecting off the myriad of jewels gracing the necks of many fine ladies.

"The Captain Grayson and Mr. Princely accompanying the Lady Roth," the porter's voice boomed, announcing their presence to everyone in the room. Immediately, a hushed silence swept over the gathered operagoers.

A moment later, Raven found herself amidst a throng of bejeweled ladies and anxious men, each one clamoring for a view of the famed Lady Roth.

"Lady Roth, is it true that you have turned down twenty seven proposals?" one girl asked, eyes shining with curiosity.

"Yes," Raven admitted grudgingly. "But only because I had not loved any of them as more than a friend."

"You are an inspiration to us all," another young woman smiled dreamily. "It is because of you that I am waiting for my true love!" The crowd of ladies pressed forward, all of them speaking at once. Their questions reverberated around in her head, causing a splitting headache.

"That is enough," Robin bellowed. "Let the lady have space to breathe." No sooner had all the young ladies sighed in admiration or jealousy (Raven, after all, was on the arm of not one, but _two_ of the season's most eligible bachelors) and left when she was surrounded by a horde of male admirers.

"Lady Roth, will you autograph my cravat?" a particularly ardent admirer asked her, thrusting a polka dotted tie in her direction.

"Mark, you owe me twenty shillings!" another burst in. "She is as beautiful as they say!"

They pushed against each other, trying to be the first to reach her, throwing roses and various trinkets at her as tokens of affection.

"Oh dear," Raven blanched pale as a ghost and turned to run.

The next thing she knew, two pairs of burly arms guided her away from her unwanted suitors. Robin and Mr. Princely pulled her into an ivory room, all the while whacking her admirers with canes. Raven was mildly surprised, since she did not recall her friends coming into the opera house with bamboo canes. As soon as the last of her followers were forcibly removed from the room through the use of bludgeons Robin and Mr. Princely slammed the double doors shut.

Raven stared at her saviors in shock and all that she could manage to stutter was, "Where did you get those canes?"

"Uh…" Robin robbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "It's kind of a funny story-"

"What's that?" Mr. Princely suddenly shouted, pointing to the wall sconce on the other side.

Raven whirled around, glancing around the lavishly decorated room.

"I don't see anything," she stated turning back in time to hear a whoosh and Robin's hand coming out of his jacket pocket.

"Well, that's funny," Mr. Princely said nervously. "I could have sworn I saw something."

Raven arched a brow, but decided not to mention the subject of the canes again. Instead, she breathed a sigh of relief and took a moment to examine her surroundings. The very room reeked of opulence. Every wall was plastered with large gilded mirrors of clear crystal glass. Swinging above, an emperor's golden chandelier dangled from the ceiling, tiny glass lamps blaring out from the tiny candleholders and reflecting in the looking glasses. Cut crystal glittered from pendants suspended from the chandalier. A crimson curtain adorned with sparkling tassels spread across the back of room, intriguing Raven, so she explored it.

The curtain opened to a lavish balcony. Ten plush velvet theater chairs stretch across the expanse, an aisle dividing them into two groups. Raven walked down the aisle and peered over the scalloped edge of the blacony into the main theater. The stage, quite far away, was draped in a red velvet curtain. So far away was the seeming miniscule stage that it made Raven wonder why box seats where preferred to the front row.

Raven left her wondering behind her, and peered back through the division to find that a couple of unknown gingers had entered the room as well as her odd family members.

Though they were both appareled in extravagant clothes of the finest materials, the man seemed much more comfortable in them, suggesting that he'd grown up in the lap of luxury while the woman was still unused to the feel of silk on her skin. Her hair was a slightly brighter shade of red than the man's and she seemed at home in the theater. Oddly, peeking behind her thick ribbon necklace was a… tattoo? Of a cat? Raven could not make sense of it. Why did such a fine lady have a tattoo?

"Ah, Lady Roth," Mr. Princely grinned, finally noticing her peeking from behind the curtains, "Allow me to introduce my cousin, the illustrious Lord Francis Avon and his wife Catherine, the Duke and Duchess of Avon."

"A pleasure to make your acquaintance," Raven curtsied, leaving the curtain behind.

"Lady Roth," the duke mused, "as in the Countess of Devonshire?"

"Yes," Raven answered demurely. "That is I."

"My darling Cat has been dying to meet you," the Duke declared.

"Absolutely," the Duchess seconded. "I believe we will have much to talk about."

'_I agree_,' Raven thought, eyeing the mysterious tattoo on the Duchess's neck.

"In that case, you must join us for tea on Monday," Lady Lorring suggested.

"Frank, could we possibly go?" The Duchess pleaded with her husband.

"Tis plausible," the Duke thought it over. "We shall see you again in two day's time."

At that moment, the loud cacophony of the orchestra warming up muffled its way through the curtain. Since the opera was about to begin, Mr. Princely recommended that they take their seats. Though the Duke and Duchess had fascinated Raven, her mood once again plummeted at the prospect of sitting through an entire opera (in German, no less.) Glumly, she made her way to right side of the box and strangely enough ended up between Robin and Mr. Princely. Robin noticed her embittered expression and squeezed her hand.

"Mama," Mary called out from her position between her brother and Robin, "Don't forget Rachel's gift."

"Ah, yes," Lady Lorring pulled a medium sized parcel from her purse and passed it across the aisle to her son.

Edmund smiled, "I picked it out myself." He passed it down the row to Raven. She regarded the gift curiously for a moment, shook it, and then carefully tore off the sandy brown paper. It was a cherry wood box.

"Open the box, Rachel," Mary yelled excitedly, pushing her own spectacles up the bridge of her nose. Raven shrugged and lifted the little gold latch. Nestled inside lay a golden set of opera glasses and a small note that read, "We hope you use these in years to come. Affectionately, Aunt and Uncle Lorring, Edmund, and Mary."

"That is so sweet," Raven feigned happiness. Examining the binoculars, she turned them around in her hands as her so-called torture finally began.

As the orchestra began a festive overture, the curtain opened and the lights dimmed, revealing a dark and gloomy stage. With a sigh, Raven put her new glasses to her face and stared at the stage, willing with all her might that the opera be over before it had begun.

First, a man entered the stage, pursued by a large serpent. Raven had no trouble at all hearing the extremely loud tenor, but she had absolutely no clue what he was singing. The man, whom Raven had determined must be Tamino according to the program, soon fainted and was about to be consumed by the serpent when three beautiful ladies appeared. And to her surprise, they were singing in English.

It only took Raven a few seconds to realize that they were not supposed to be singing in English. Below the English she could faintly hear the German wafting up from the stage. So, if they weren't singing, who was? Raven searched the auditorium and found that the strange lyrics (she didn't think that singing about a magical cat named Fluffy was part of the opera) were coming from her own box. Upon further investigation, it was discovered that the source of the strange singing was none other than Mr. Princely.

Raven sent a questioning gaze to Robin. Robin, in reply, merely shrugged his shoulders and turned his attention back to the stage. With a sigh, Raven did likewise. That is, until a sudden exclamation from Mr. Princely diverted her attention once more.

"Enter Papageno!" Mr. Princely shouted and slapped an enormous verdant-feathered cap upon his noggin. His appearance was so comical that Raven had to stifle a giggle. She tried redirecting her attention, but to no avail. Mr. Princely was just too humorous. It started with a smile, spread to a giggle and then became uproarious laughter as Mr. Princely impersonated the demure Pamina. Her infectious laughter alighted on everyone in the box. Even the morose Edmund could not resist a chuckle.

* * *

As she drifted off to sleep that night in the rumbling carriage, exhausted from her eventful evening, Raven silently conceded victory to Mr. Princely.

"As much as I hate to admit it, you were right, Mr. Princely, you were right…"


	17. Part the Seventeenth

Dear Reader,

I am so dreadfully sorry for the lack of updates on my part. You see, Band Geek Letter 1 was in a musical and since she already drags me everywhere she goes, she decided to bring me there too. The cast was amazing, but there were absolutely no computers that I had access to! I could have tried taking the director's but she seemed rather frazzled almost everyday and I didn't want to frighten her with my telekinetic powers so I just let it be.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank my wonderful reviewers. You all are amazing and I look forward to your response to this chapter.

Anyways, I hope this chapter will make up for the lack of action in that last one. Although, it is quite strange. I hope you enjoy.

Sincerely,

_**THE BOOK

* * *

**_

Petticoats and Roses

By _**THE BOOK**_

Part the Seventeenth

Cyborg's Conversation

Titan's Tower was eerily noiseless. Aside from the clink of Cyborg's mechanical feet, all was silent since Beastboy and Starfire had left to get _Star Wars_ from the video store (apparently another Earth classic that Starfire had somehow evaded in her stay on the little blue and green planet.)

Cyborg was at his wit's end. It had been nine months and still nothing had happened! Raven and Robin were still as stuck as ever and there was nothing he could do about it. Fuming, he paced the floor in frustration, trying desperately to think of a solution.

He passed by _**THE BOOK**_ several times, each time shooting it a glare.

"You!" he shouted angrily, pausing in front of the coffee table. "This is all your fault. If you hadn't ended up in the Dreamcatcher's hands, none of this would have happened. Robin and Raven would still be here, pummeling baddies, drinking tea, and forcing us to train vigorously." Tears welled in his eyes as he thought about his long lost friends. "And what do you do about it? Nothing! Absolutely nothing! Why is that? Because you are a book. A good for nothing book!" By now, the tears were verily falling down his face.

"Get a hold of yourself," Cyborg slapped himself. "There's no use crying and you're going bonkers with all this talking to inanimate objects."

Just as he turned to walk away, a small British voice that sounded like it was in a fishbowl said, "That was unwarranted."

"Who said that?" Cyborg jumped nearly ten feet in the air. "Is anyone there?" His eyes rapidly scanned the room and he stuck a finger in his ear to clear it out. Finding no one, he began to walk away… again.

"And I am not doing nothing," the voice continued. "In fact, I might even have an idea."

Now Cyborg was positively frightened. His knees clacked, his teeth chattered, and his eyes darted nervously back and forth.

"Who said that?" he shivered.

"I did," the voice replied.

Now he was terrified.

"And who is I?" he bleated, fear evident in every word.

"That is a hard question to answer," the voice responded, "since I don't have a name."

Cyborg stopped trembling and raised a brow, now that the voice intended him no harm. "You don't have a name?" he said to the air. "That's kind of strange. Where are you?"

"I am situated on your coffee table," came the voice's response. Immediately Cyborg whirled around to study the small table in the center of the room.

"There's nothing on the table but—" Cyborg began as a wave of understanding washed over him. "Oh…"

He regarded _**THE BOOK**_ curiously and articulated his thoughts. "But you're a book. How are you talkin' to me?"

"I _am_ a magical book," _**THE BOOK**_ clarified. "I communicate telepathically."

"Whoa!" Cyborg shouted and clapped his hands like a little girl in a magical land of rainbows and unicorns. "That is so cool! And that's why whatever you say sounds like I'm in a fishbowl?"

"You are correct," _**THE BOOK**_ answered.

"You said you had an idea?" Cyborg probed eagerly.

"Yes. I believe the Dreamcatcher—" _**THE BOOK**_ paused to shudder. At least that's what it sounded like to Cyborg. He couldn't tell really; it was an inanimate yet somehow animate object. "—said that they had to finish the story."

"Yeah," Cyborg agreed warily. "But do you trust her? She lied in front of the jury and said you controlled her body!"

"You know, I've never actually tried mind control. Anyways, she did have the manual written by the Evil Sorcerer who made me. It was a package deal at the B.M.F.E.S.V.B.O.D.T.P."

"What's the … B.F.E.B… whatever you said?"

"B.M.F.E.S.V.B.O.D.T.P.? Black Market for Evil Super Villains Bent on Destroying the Planet."

"It exists? I always thought it was a myth."

"No, it's real alright. Nasty place." What sounded like a shudder echoed in Cyborg's mind again.

"Back to the task at hand," _**THE BOOK **_continued. "I believe she is correct. And judging by the fact that it is a drawing room comedy, I have concluded they each must marry their respective true loves in order to escape."

"That sounds kinda complicated," Cyborg thought aloud.

"I know," _**THE BOOK **_admitted, "but I believe it to be the only way."

Out of the blue, Beastboy and Starfire burst in, laughing and smiling, a white blockbuster bag swinging from Beastboy's hand. Their hair was mussed and their suits were covered in grass stains.

"Remember when you threw that guy over the bridge?" Beastboy chuckled.

"And when you turned into a…" Starfire added, but struggled to find the appropriate word.

"A rhino?" Beastboy guessed.

"Yeah, that's it," She continued, as they laughed and giggled until tears came out of their eyes.

"Oh hey Cyborg," Beastboy acknowledged him.

"Guys, you'll never guess what happened! I know a way…" he trailed off as he noticed their rumpled appearance. "What happened to you guys?"

"We just did the beating the up of some bad men at the video store," Starfire answered.

Cyborg examined his friends with a puzzled expression, but nevertheless continued, "Anyways, _**THE BOOK**_ had an idea!"

It was Beastboy's and Starfire's turns to stare at their friend.

"Pardon?" Starfire inquired. "I do not understand."

"I didn't either at first," Cyborg smiled, "but _**THE BOOK**_ can communicate telepathically! Go on, say something!"

Beastboy raised a brow and Starfire shrugged as Cyborg gestured to _**THE BOOK**_ and nothing happened. When Cyborg tried again and still nothing happened, he marched right over to _**THE BOOK**_ and complained, "What's the matta with you?"

Cyborg paused for a brief silence and then said, "You're shy? You didn't have any reservations about talking to me!"

Beastboy scratched his head and Starfire hissed in his ear, "I believe he has lost the marbles."

"I heard that!" Cyborg vociferated. "I seem more approachable?" Cyborg resumed his seemingly one-sided conversation with _**THE BOOK**_ in a nicer tone of voice. "I know they're weird, but you'll have to talk to them eventually; you might as well start now."

"Hello," a small British and inside of a fishbowl voice greeted them. This intrusion upon her mind caused Starfire to accidentally shoot a starbolt into the teens' television set.

"Eek!" she screamed. "Oops, sorry. But where is Beastboy?"

"He's right there," Cyborg pointed flatly to the ground next to Starfire, where a green salamander wriggled and writhed back into their friend.

Perceiving the broken, smashed and smoking TV, Beastboy forlornly appropriated the task of calling the TV repairman (for the sixth time that month) to himself.

"That can wait," Cyborg commanded him. "_**THE BOOK **_had an idea!"

"Ooo!" Starfire gleefully clapped. "This is, I believe, the perfect time opportunity to consume the Pudding of Ideas!"

"I'm a book," _**THE BOOK**_ stated monotonously. "I can't eat."

"Oh." Starfire's mood dampened.

"Anyhow," Cyborg redirected the conversation. "_**THE BOOK**_ believes Raven and Robin must marry their true loves to escape."

"Huzzah!" Beastboy yelled. When Starfire and Cyborg gazed at him oddly he added, "They're getting closer to getting out."

"Yeah, but they don't know that," Cyborg groaned. "Titans, to the mirror! Hey _**THE BOOK**_, do you want to come too?"

"No," _**THE BOOK**_ mused, "I believe it would create a paradox."

"Eh, suit yourself. To the mirror… again!" Cyborg pointed dramatically and bounded out of the living room, into the elevator, out again and through the corridor, all the while followed by Beastboy and Starfire.

The crumpled remains of Raven's door lay right where they left it, barring the way into her room. Cyborg ignored the rubble and stepped right over it whereas Beastboy contemplated it for a moment.

"You know," he observed, "we really should have that fixed before Raven comes back." He tiptoed in followed by Starfire and they both traversed the floor to the place where Cyborg was staring intently at the mirror

"How does this work again?" Cyborg wondered aloud.

"I think you have to hold the han—" Beastboy answered, grasping the mirror's ornate handle as a giant pearly hand exploded from the mirror and grabbed the Titans.

* * *

"—dle," Beastboy finished as he once again landed quite loudly on the yellow brick road. He dusted himself off and picked himself up, all the while searching for a sign of Joy.

Starfire moaned and complained that the road was much harder than it used to be.

"Oomph," Cyborg mumbled. "That's because you landed on me."

Starfire stammered a multitude of apologies and helped the biomechanical man up.

Meanwhile, Beastboy struggled to find any evidence of humanoid life. Emerald grass, yellow brick road, empty void of space- all was normal (for Raven's strange mind) with the exception of the absence of Joy. Strangely enough, she was nowhere to be seen. Beastboy was sure she would have tackled them by now.

"Hm," conjectured Beastboy aloud. "Maybe she's frolicking through her flowers."

"Maybe," Cyborg agreed. "Why don't we check it out." The others nodded and set off for Joy's meadow.

The rainbow rose up before them like a glimmering arc of happiness. Sparkling, shimmering, glistering, the light danced in rays of reds, oranges, yellows, greens, blues, and purples.

"There is just something about this place," Starfire remarked, "that makes me want to smile."

"Starfire," Cyborg sighed. "Everything makes you want to smile."

"True," Starfire concurred, and she opened her mouth to say more when she realized she was knee deep in flowers. She squealed in happiness, (she just absolutely adored flowers), and waited for the imminent tackling that never came. Once nothing happened, she took a peak at the meadow. Cyborg and Beastboy were far ahead of her, speaking in obnoxiously loud tones.

She caught up to them hastily and inquired, "Why are your volumes magnified many times your normal levels?"

"Huh?" Cyborg scratched his head

"I got this," Beastboy told his perplexed friend. "We're trying to see if Joy is sleeping. It seems out of place that she hasn't smothered us yet." In an effort to trick Joy out into the open, Beastboy began to cavort wildly among the peonies, sweet peas, and lavender.

"Oh look!" Beastboy shouted obtrusively. "I'm frolicking through the flowers!"

Nothing happened, and suddenly Beastboy felt very silly. "Guess she's not home," he commented sheepishly. "Let's check out Intelligence's Library."

The other Titans agreed and capered through the field of lady slippers, dewdrops, and snapdragons. In a matter of minutes they had resumed their walk on the yellow brick road, traveling towards the stately and learned library. Entirely composed of dove gray stone, it seemed to almost stare down at them with an imposing glare. Two formidable marble lions guarded the stairs.

"Friends," Starfire asked, a puzzled expression on her face, "was this not a portal when last we past through?"

"I'm pretty sure," Cyborg responded, "that this was just a portal."

"Maybe she's trying to… solidify herself?" Beastboy reasoned. He stepped onto the regal stairs and began the long trek to the pinnacle. At the top of the stairs, past ionic columns stood an enormous mahogany door, nearly twice as large as the back door they had used before.

"Wow," was all they could say. Nervously, Cyborg banged softly on the door. When no one answered he tried again, practically knocking the door of its hinges. Again, no answer came, so he pulled gently on the handle and found that it was unlocked.

"Hello," he called out faintly, "is anyone there?" No reply. He tentatively stepped inside followed by Starfire and Beastboy, and at once noticed the peculiar silence. Of course, it is not unusual for a library to be quiet, but normally there is some noise, such as the rustling of pages or the scritch-scratch of pencil on paper. There was no sign of life, no sound at all, with the exception of the Titans' own palpitating hearts.

All the books sat on the shelves, neat little rows, pops of indigo, rouge, and forest green, excluding the few books on the cart to be shelved and flung in disarray across Intelligence's empty desk.

"That's weird," Beastboy reflected. "First Joy and now Intelligence."

"Hey y'all!" Cyborg exclaimed. "Check this out!"

Beastboy and Starfire hurried over to their friend at the librarian's desk. Strangely, _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_ had been left open, a single sheet of cardstock resting across the page.

"What does it say?" Starfire inquired anxiously.

"_You are cordially invited to Whimsy's Tea Party, Saturday May 4__th__ at 3:00 PM. Please arrive in costume as per your character. Don't be late._"

"What do you think it means?" Beastboy questioned.

"I have no idea," Cyborg replied.

Unexpectedly, a flash of white dashed between the bookcases.

"What was that?" Starfire asked fearfully

"I don't know," Beastboy answered, "but there it goes again!" As it became more defined, the titans saw that the flash had long pink ears and a bushy little puffball of a tail, and wore a tailored silk waistcoat and a golden pocket watch on chain.

"It's… it's a rabbit!" Cyborg shouted.

"No, it's not," Beastboy riposted. "It's much too large. Let's follow it!"

"What? Are you mad?" Cyborg blanched.

"Nope," Beastboy replied. "I just want to see where it's going." The so-called rabbit darted past them, down an aisle, gingerly opened the side door and ran out.

"That was not here upon our first journey," Starfire remarked.

Beastboy bounded off after the rabbit is Cyborg ran behind with Starfire in tow, calling out, "Get back here!"

Gleefully, Beastboy sprinted out the door in a fit of maniacal laughter as Cyborg attempted to catch up with him In a rush, Cyborg blazed through the door, dragging Starfire behind him. They found Beastboy standing at the precipice of a cavernous hole.

"It jumped in there," Beastboy explained.

"That is a rather large rabbit hole," Starfire observed.

"Hello?" Cyborg cried into the hole. "Somebody? Anybody?" His voice reverberated off the walls. The ground beneath them trembled and gave way, launching them into the great chasm below.

* * *

"Ah!" Starfire screamed. It was a perfectly normal reaction, considering her situation Oddly, she felt as if she were falling up. And that was not all. Random teapots, pianos, and armchairs were strewn about, floating in midair. During the course of her fall, she played the piano, picked a book off the shelf, fell smack dab into a rocking chair, drank some tea, turned on a lamp, and was warmed by the fire of a floating chimney.

Finally, she landed with a smack, face first on a hard marbled floor. She grunted in pain as first Beastboy and then Cyborg plopped on top of her.

"Sorry, Star," came Cyborg's muffled apology. He pried himself off Beastboy, the way you would remove an egg from a frying pan. Proceeding to lift a flattened Beastboy off an even flatter Starfire, Cyborg picked up his friends and gazed around himself in amazement. A hexagonal room surrounded them, and five identical chocolate doors stood majestically in five of the walls. Cyborg jiggled the first knob.

"Locked," he stated, and then Beastboy tried the next. The trio tried all five doors to no avail; each door was steadfastly locked.

"Well now what?" Beastboy asked.

"This is all your fault!" Cyborg hollered as Beastboy cringed "If you hadn't run after that stupid white rabbit, we'd all be safe and sound on the surface."

"Friends?" Starfire interrupted quietly.

"Not now, Star. Can't you see I'm berating him? And furthermore," Cyborg admonished, "it was you who broke the TV!"

"Actually, that was Star," Beastboy interjected, "and she already said she was sorry"

"Quiet!" Starfire exploded, steam pouring out her ears "Would you two be quiet for one moment!"

Embarrassed by their now pointless altercation, the two Titans rubbed the back of their heads sheepishly.

"Sure, Star," Beastboy said apologetically.

"Good," Starfire brightened. "Now, what I was trying to mention earlier is that there are bundles of clothes on those hooks over there with our names on them."

Amazed, Cyborg and Beastboy turned to the sixth wall. Starfire was right. Where there had previously been nothing, three iron coat hooks protruded from the wall. Upon each hook was a bundle wrapped in brown paper and tied with tan strings, and tucked inside the strings were three cardstock placards revealing the name of a Titan in the same curly script as the invitation earlier.

Cyborg grasped his package and pulled it off the hook. Tearing the paper, he opened the pack to find a rather large mouse costume in his size

"Uh-uh," he refused. "There is no way in the sane world I'm going to wear this."

"Put on the costume!" An ominous voice commanded.

"Okay, okay!" Cyborg reluctantly agreed. The trio hastily pulled on their respective costumes. In a comical effect, Cyborg ended up as a dormouse, Beastboy a lion, and Starfire a dodo.

"I don't get this," Cyborg stated.

"I might. Hey look!" Beastboy cried out. "There's a table." And indeed there was. A petite glass table stood in the center of the room.

"That was definitely not there earlier," Cyborg said. Situated on the table was an ornate bronze skeleton key. Beastboy picked it up, scurried to the nearest door, jammed it into the keyhole and wiggled it around.

"Nope." He tried the nest door. "Nope." Another. "Nope." The fourth. "Nope." The final. "Nope."

"Look at the sixth wall," Cyborg pointed out, "there's a curtain." The curtain was small, not more than a foot high, and composed of velvet. It hung on a golden rod by golden rings, all shining in the light. Starfire bent down and flung the curtain wide, revealing a diminutive oak door with a shiny brass knob. Beastboy knelt down and stuck the key in that lock. Much to his surprise, the lock clicked and the door flew open with ease.

"Now the problem is," Cyborg remarked, "how do we get inside?"

"Oh, that's simple," Beastboy answered. "We just drink from those bottles over there." Cyborg and Starfire turned in astonishment find three crystalline glass bottles labeled "Drink Me", holding a clear liquid that looked suspiciously like bubble fluid.

"Well?" Cyborg said, picking his bottle up. "Cheers." All three took a large swig of the tangy liquid and immediately spit it out

"What is happening?" Starfire asked nervously as the ceiling grew farther and farther away. She slammed her eyelids shut. Upon reopening them, she found that she was only six inches high, the perfect size to walk though the open door.

"Are we okay?" Cyborg peeked, comically standing with one foot in the air and his fists clenched above his head, still dressed as a mouse, complete with ears and whiskers.

"Friend Cyborg, we have shrunk safely!" Starfire shouted gleefully and glomped her friend.

"How'd ya know it would do this?" Cyborg asked Beastboy in wonder.

"Simple," Beastboy answered, walking through the door. "I read the book." Cyborg and Starfire followed suit, and soon the trio wandered around an enormous flower garden, gazing up at the humongous daisies and roses in awe.

"Does anyone else feel the need to run a caucus race?" Starfire wondered as she adjusted her itchy dodo costume.

"Nope," Beastboy replied. "Does anyone else feel like tussling with a unicorn?"

"Nah," Cyborg responded. "I just feel like eating some jam."

"Friends," Starfire began, "what _is_ a caucus race?"

"It's a…" Beastboy started to explain as they all smacked headfirst into the stalk of a mushroom.

"Oh yay!" Beastboy grinned. "A mushroom! Quick, take a bite of the… um the… umbrella part."

"Why are we eating a mushroom?" Cyborg questioned.

"It'll make us grow," Beastboy answered. "But don't eat too much, or you'll become a giant." He snatched a piece a piece of mushroom from the overhang and took a bite. Instantly, he returned to normal stature—still dressed as a lion of course. Trepidaciously, Cyborg and Starfire nibbled on theirs and grew taller.

"Hey!" Beastboy exclaimed, "I'm taller than you!"

Finding that they were shorter than normal, Starfire and Cyborg took another nibble, voiding Beastboy's exclamation.

"Eh," he said, "It was cool while it lasted. Where do we go now?"

"That depends on where you want to go," a sly, feline voice called out. Lounging on a tree branch, a large, lime green tabby cat—or rather, Raven dressed as a lime green tabby cat—smirked at them.

"Raven! Thank goodness!" Starfire smiled. "This place is really weird. And we have been looking for you for a very long time."

"I am not Raven," the cat purred and floated down next to Beastboy.

"One of Raven's emotions," Cyborg whispered to Starfire. In a puff, the cat appeared in the air next to him.

"Right you are," she congratulated him smokily. "Is that a laser? Can I have it? I want it?"

"Envy?" Beastboy guessed. She disappeared and only her smile appeared next to him.

"Right again," whispered Envy's grin into Beastboy's ear. She materialized next to him and smirked.

"Why would Raven need such an emotion?" wondered Starfire innocently.

"Truthfully, for nothing much," Envy admitted. "I want to be used more, like the other emotions. There was only that one time that she was jealous of Starfire."

"Me?" Starfire squeaked. "Why would Friend Raven be jealous of me?"

"She just didn't like it that all the boys were all over you," Envy answered nonchalantly, examining her fingernails.

Starfire whimpered.

"Oh, I'm not good with people," Envy said. "That's Tact's department."

Starfire blubbered.

"Don't worry," Envy continued. "She's over it now, especially since she's experienced it and found her not to her liking." Starfire blinked back her tears and smiled.

"So, where are we?" Beastboy asked.

"Welcome to the world of Whimsy," Envy gestured to the droopy trees and lively flowers around them. "Today she decided she wanted to have a tea party. In fact, I've been ordered to take you there. But you mustn't refer to each other by your real names." She looked at them sternly to overemphasize her point. "May I introduce you to the Dormouse, the Lion, and the Dodo. I am the Cheshire Cat. Let us depart."

Envy disappeared and rematerialized behind them.

"Coming?" she called. The startled titans shrugged and followed the floating emotion down the dirt path, through the melancholy trees and past a large sign that read, "_Mad Hatter's This Way_".

* * *

They heard the Tea Party before they saw it. A cacophony of toots and whistles, beeps and whoops danced clumsily on the air into their ears. The horrible sound emanated from a large garden hedged in by boxwoods.

"What is that awful sound?" Starfire wondered, covering her ears.

"That is the sound of many tone deaf emotions attempting to sing," Envy explained. "The only one who can remotely sing is Musical Aptitude. I've always wanted to sing like her."

The Titans and Envy approached the watermelon pink gate to the party. Envy merely floated over the gate while the Titans just pushed open the door.

A peculiar scene greeted them. In the center of the garden, lit by the glow of multicolored paper lanterns was an extremely long table covered in teapots of all shapes and colors and teacups in equally strange designs. Surrounding the table were a myriad of chairs: windsors, rocking chairs, padded arm chairs, and even high chairs all occupied by emotions in wacky costumes. The placards on the table each read different whimsical names including the Duchess, the Red Queen, and the White Knight.

"The Dodo, the Lion, and the Dormouse have arrived," Envy informed the costumed emotions, "thanks to me. Of course, I would have preferred to be the White Rabbit."

"Cheshire," the smart looking emotion in the caterpillar suit interrupted. "You always want what isn't yours."

"Quire right," Envy responded. "What a delightful hat you are wearing, Mad Hatter."

"You can't have it!" The emotion sitting at the very end of the table in a plush red armchair declared. "Come and join us, Dodo, Lion, and Dormouse." She gave a creepy smile and motioned to the empty chairs.

The trio half-heartedly smiled back, meandering their way through the many different chairs. Anxiously, the trio searched the place cards for their assigned names. Beastboy found his between a shy looking Raven dressed as a unicorn and a rather glum looking Raven in overalls and a propeller hat.

"Hi there…" Beastboy greeted, pausing to read her nametag, "Tweedledum. Great day, isn't it?

"What's so great about it?" the girl mumbled. On the other side of the table, her exact replica smiled and said, "Absolutely everything!"

Cyborg and Starfire were less lucky in their seating. Somehow, the Dodo's nameplate had got stuffed between the angry looking Red Queen and the obviously joyful White Queen, who consistently fought over Starfire's head. Cyborg, the least lucky of the three, found himself seated next to the intimidating Mad Hatter, but in place of a chair there was a rather large teapot.

"Take a seat," the Mad Hatter smiled creepily.

"There is no way I am sitting in that!" Cyborg protested loudly.

"Just sit in the tea cup!" the Mad Hatter shouted.

Immediately, Cyborg nimbly jumped over the rim of the porcelain cup and plopped down inside. Much to his displeasure, he found that the bottoms of teacups are not particularly comfortable He tried to move but only ended up making it worse.

"Good," the Mad Hatter flashed her creepy smile again. "All that's left is Alice." As if on cue, a white rabbit, or rather, an emotion dressed up as a white rabbit, blundered through the gate, took one look at the group and shrieked.

"Um, welcome back, White Rabbit," the Mad Hatter smiled. "I trust that Alice is on her way?" The White Rabbit trembled in reply. "Good. Take your seat."

"And that's my cue," Envy curtsied to the emotions and vanished in a puff of smoke as the White Rabbit skittered to her seat and anxiously picked up her tea cup.

"So…" Cyborg began awkwardly, "How are you, White Rabbit?"

"Eep!" The White Rabbit cried and fainted.

Cyborg was very unsure of what to do with the unconscious lagomorph.

"Don't worry," the pretend hookah-smoking caterpillar pushed up her glasses. "She does that a lot."

"Thanks Intell—" Cyborg started but stopped once he saw the faces the caterpillar was making, "—I mean Caterpillar." He stared down at his rapidly cooling tea nervously.

"Isn't this fun?" the Mad Hatter declared.

"Yeah, sure, whatever," the rest of the emotions begrudgingly agreed.

With that, the bell on the gate tinkled and Raven in a sky blue dress and white apron passed through.

"Curiouser and curiouser," she exclaimed and made her way down the table to the seat opposite of Cyborg.

"It's her! It's her!" Cyborg whispered forcefully, shaking the White Rabbit who had just revived from her fainting spell only to lose consciousness again.

"Right..." Cyborg propped the White Rabbit back up in her seat. "Forgot who I was talking to."

"Fabulous!" the Mad Hatter clapped her hands eagerly. "Alice is here and now we can begin. Pass the crumpets." The emotions quickly obliged and passed the delicious tea treats to the Hatter.

"Spoon," interjected the March Hare.

"Who…are…you?" added the caterpillar.

"I'm Alice," Alice responded.

"Ugh," the Mad Hatter interrupted, "you bore me. Tea party dismissed, I'm off to play croquet." With that, the Mad Hatter clapped twice and one by one the party guests evaporated into thin air. Facing imminent dissipation, Cyborg, Beastboy and Starfire slammed their eyes shut.

* * *

"Guys! You're here!"

Each of the Titans cautiously opened their eyes to find (1) that they were no longer dressed in those ridiculous costumes, and (2) that an alabaster clothed Raven was hugging them in the middle of Intelligence's Library.

"Raven! You're still British!" Beastboy shouted. "Quick! Say something funny like poppycock or fish and chips."

"Fish-n-chips?" Raven complied. "What are you guys doing here by the way?"

"Well, we might have found a way for you to get out," answered Cyborg.

"Really?" exclaimed Raven. "Do go on."

"_**THE BOOK**_ said—" Starfire began

"Wait a minute," interrupted Raven. "_**THE BOOK**_?"

"The thing you are currently trapped in," Beastboy explained.

"I know what _**THE BOOK**_ is!" Raven shouted, and then composed herself. "What I mean was _**THE BOOK**_ talks?"

"It's complicated…" Cyborg answered, "but it is a magical book. It communicates telepathically."

"Sure…" Raven looked at her friends quizzically. "Continue."

"As I was saying," continued Starfire, "_**THE BOOK**_ told us that because the story is a drawing room comedy, you must each finish the story by marrying your true loves."

"Fiddlesticks!" Raven expostulated. "And I thought it was going to be easy. How do you know?" she moped.

"Hey, don't look at me," Cyborg stated. "I've never experienced true love."

"Not me," Beastboy added.

"Nor I," Starfire chirped in.

"Oh," Raven said sadly. "Perhaps I can ask Lady Catherine."

"Was that the lady you met at the opera?" Cyborg asked "She seemed nice."

"Yeah," Beastboy agreed, "but what's with the tattoo?"

"Rachel!" a loud, female, and decidedly British voice called out. "Are you in there? The Avons are here!"

"I have to go!" Raven exclaimed.

"Wait Raven!" Cyborg shouted. "How do we—"

She vanished.

"—get out of here?" he finished.

"I guess it's back to the Yellow Brick Road," Beastboy responded.


	18. Part the Eighteenth

Dear Reader,

I am sorry if that last chapter confused you. In fact, I was rather confused myself, since I gleaned the chapter from the recesses of the Titans' frightfully confounding minds. There is some very strange stuff in there, my friends… However, I shall endeavor to explain what I can. Feel free to skip ahead if you would like to read something more exciting.

Most of you deduced that Envy was dressed as the Cheshire Cat. That much is certain. However, most of you did not see that the Mad Hatter was whimsy. Notice how rapidly she changed her mind and mood. By observing characteristics, one can infer that Tweedle-Dum was despair while Tweedle-Dee was Hope, that the White Queen was Joy and the Red Queen, Anger, that Intelligence was the Caterpillar, Terror was the White Rabbit, and Timidity was the Unicorn. The logic is as follows: (1) Tweedle-Dum was very depressed; (2) Tweedle-Dee was excited for the new day; (3) the Red Queen was "angry-looking"; (4) the White Queen was "joyful"; (5) the Caterpillar was wearing glasses and was nearly referred to by her name; and (6) the White Rabbit shrieked and fainted at nearly everything.

Hopefully this cleared up some of the confusion. And now on to the next chapter.

Sincerely,

_**THE BOOK**_

* * *

Petticoats and Roses

By _**THE BOOK**_

Part the Eighteenth

The Twenty-Eighth Proposal

"Rachel!" Lady Lorring's voice pierced the still air as Raven's eyes burst open. "Hurry up, my dear!"

"I'll be there momentarily!" Raven responded, hopping off her bed to search for a pair of shoes. She found a pair of ebony slippers tucked next to her bookshelf and nearly flew out the door before she realized that her crimson dress was missing a ribbon. Lady Lorring would be on her case for months if she appeared before the Avons scandalously missing a ribbon, so she grabbed a pearl-colored sash and quickly tied it around her petite waist.

"I'm coming, Aunt," Raven cried as she flew down the stairs to stand next to her aunt, uncle, and cousin. Luckily for her, the Avons were not actually at the door yet. Like all great country houses, Summerhaven had an unnecessarily long pebble driveway and the Avon's carriage was just pulling up. Raven marveled at the extravagance of their ride. Gold leafed branches stretched across alabaster walls, with the Avon crest hanging above an intricately carved door.

It was at this point that Raven felt she was missing something. Searching for what was absent, she counted the objects in the room while the Avons strode up to the door. Two chairs, one table, a chandelier, one aunt, one uncle, one cousin…

"Wait!" Raven exclaimed. "Where is Edmund?"

"Oh, he's off with Captain Grayson and Mr. Princely fishing or doing whatever it is that young men do these days," her uncle answered.

At that, Jenkins suddenly materialized next to Raven and announced monotonously, "The Lord Francis and the Lady Catherine Avon." Raven nearly jumped out her skin; she was that startled. (Despite having lived with the Lorrings for more six months, she still hadn't gotten used to Jenkins apparition-like entrances.)

The doors were thrust open and the Avons strolled in, smiling and laughing. Once again, Raven caught a glimpse of Lady Catherine's intriguing cat tattoo.

"Come in, come in!" Lady Lorring welcomed and ushered them inside. "You two look so adorable together. Jenkins, would you please come get their cloaks."

"Yes madam," Jenkins answered, and appeared behind the now startled Avons.

After regaining her composure, Lady Catherine merely said, "Thank you sir," and handed him her cloak. Lord Francis did the same with a rather dazed expression on his face.

"Well now," Lady Lorring interjected, always the effervescent hostess, "let us take tea in the dining room." They all moved in a clump to the dining room where the teapots were all mysteriously steaming already.

"Jenkins must be ahead of the game today," Lady Lorring remarked. Gracefully sitting down next to Lady Catherine, Raven poured her some tea and then took a biscuit for herself.

Of course, her American mind called it a cookie, but what does it matter.

They ate in silence for several minutes until Mary boldly cleared her throat and wondered aloud. "Lady Catherine, pardon my asking, but I couldn't help but notice your peculiar tattoo. Where on earth did you get it? Are you secretly part of a covert society or something of that nature?"

"Mary!" Lady Lorring scolded her daughter, although she was just as curious. "You should be ashamed of yourself!"

"Oh, it's quite alright," Lady Catherine assured her. "Nearly everyone ends up asking about it sooner or later."

"So where did you get it?' Mary pressed further

Lady Catherine looked to her husband and reluctantly asked, "Shall you tell them or shall I?"

"You, of course," her husband answered. "You always had a gift for storytelling."

"I was about fifteen at the time," she began nostalgically.

* * *

It was at this time that Lady Catherine started a delightfully long but interesting anecdote concerning her mysterious tattoo. Being an author as well as a lady, (I believe her works are published in this world under the name Julia Goulding) she excellently relayed her escapades, complete with sound effects and extravagant gestures, and the whole party was rather engrossed for the better part of an hour. The Lorrings and Raven oohed and ahed at all the correct parts, and even Frank, who had been party to all of these events, was enthralled with his wife's fanciful storytelling.

However, in the interest of saving your time, I shall condense her story to something like a fairytale for easier comprehension I apologize for any inconvenienced this interruption has caused, but it was of the utmost importance. With a proposal on the way, there is simply no room for lengthy dialogues.

Without further ado,

HOW LADY CATHERINE GOT HER TATTOO

Once upon a time, there lived a foundling ward of the Theatre Royal in Covent Garden named Catherine, but everyone who knew her called her Cat. Through a convoluted sequence of events involving a diamond, a political cartoonist and a lost fiancé, she became particular friends with the Avon family, though she was the most intimate with their son Frank, who was about her age. It became apparent to the whole of society in Bath that Frank much preferred her company to that of other girls, and it seemed to them that his regard for her everyday. The girls of the town very much disliked her for this, as they had designs on his immense fortune, and their mothers felt quite the same way.

Cat was oblivious to all this. Completely unaware. A bird could drop dead in front of her and she wouldn't notice. To her, Frank was just her especial friend, although she could not explain that queer feeling she got in the pit of her stomach whenever other girls attempted to flirt with him. But his vile cousin, who stood to inherit his cousin's lofty estate once said cousin was out of the picture, noted Frank's attachment.

He alerted Cat, Frank, and their friend Pedro to some danger at the dock regarding one of Cat's admirers. They were checking it out when all of the sudden they were violently attacked and kidnapped. They awoke, battered, bound, and bruised in the swaying hold of a royal navy ship. A perfect rogue confidently slunk in and informed them of their situation.

"Someone on the mainland wants ye out the way," he told them, "and I've been charged with making sure this plan goes through"

"And what if I don't want to comply?" Rank replied obstinately. "I could march up there right now and tell them who I am."

"You do that," the man threatened, "you make any movement resembling going to speak to the captain, and I'll shoot 'er."

This quieted Frank.

"But what are you going to do with her?" Pedro asked hesitantly. "You can't leave Cat in the hold forever. The crew is bound to discover her."

"She can still pass for a boy," the rogue responded with a sneer. "She'll work with me down here. Call _him_ Tom from now on."

Thus began Cat's short but illustrious career as the Storeroom Manager's Assistant. Try as he might, the rogue could not prevent Cat's going above deck. Unfortunately, one of Cat's friends (who had coincidentally been press ganged onto the same ship) accidentally called her by her name and a very hasty explanation was made.

"They call me Tomcat," Cat explained, and the other sailors soon took to her nickname.

While docked in Jamaica, the crew was given leave of the ship for one night. Cat violently protested that she did not want a tattoo, but the next morning she found a small black and white cat on her neck.

* * *

"And that is how I got my tattoo," Lady Catherine finished

"Oh, how dreadful!" Lady Lorring exclaimed, the astonishment at such an extraordinary tale showing in her very air. "How on earth did you escape such a horrid predicament?"

"I was able to run once the ship landed in Florida," Lady Catherine continued, "and I took refuge among the Indians."

"Savages?" Lady Lorring nearly fainted. "How perfectly awful!" Mary was even more interested in this story than before

"Oh, they really were not all that bad," Lady Catherine rebutted, "although I did almost have to marry one of them. Anyways, with me off the ship Frank was able to reveal his true identity to the captain and from then on he was treated much better. I caught a ride with some American fur traders and met up with him in Philadelphia, where we unmasked his villainous blackguard of a cousin."

"Brava!" Mary clapped. "Your story was most entertaining, Lady Catherine."

"Cat, I am always amused by your accounts," Frank complimented his wife and ruffled her hair.

"Frank, stop, I'm colouring," she smiled.

"Now that the tea things are all cold, let us all take a turn around the lake," Raven suggested, and the rest heartily gave their consent.

Lady Catherine took this opportunity for a tête-à-tête with Raven, in order to know her cousin's friend better.

"Walk with me," she commanded in a soft tone, and Raven obliged.

"There are many reports concerning you that circulate society, and today I wish to ascertain the facts," she informed her new friend.

"Ask away," Raven consented, "and I shall endeavor to answer."

"The first was of your beauty," she began, "although your countenance speaks for itself, and I must say you are a very handsome girl. Secondly, that you are so desirable that more than twenty offers of marriage have been made to you."

"You have heard true," Raven replied. "Twenty-seven to be exact. Though, I have do not see what men find in me desirable."

"Twenty-seven offers!" Lady Catherine cried. " 'Pon my word, that us quite a number. I had my fair share of suitors, but twenty-seven? And you've turned them all down?"

"Yes, every one," Raven responded.

"Heavens child! Are you trying to bag a prince?" Lady Catherine asked incredulously.

"Well no," Raven answered. "I do not believe I was in love with any of them."

"Ah, love," Lady Catherine agreed with a sigh "Of course, you can afford to marry for love."

"Lady Catherine, I don't mean to pry," Raven began hesitantly.

"Call me Cat," Lady Catherine interrupted.

"Cat," Raven began again. "How did you know that you loved Frank and not one of your other suitors?"

Cat was momentarily taken aback, but she wondered, "What makes you ask?"

"I just want to know," Raven answered meekly.

(Of course, she could never state her real reason. It would have been considered quite odd to say to a great lady such as Cat, "I'm actually a superhero named Raven from Jump City, and I'm stuck in this book until I locate and marry my true love.")

"Err…" Cat started awkwardly. " It's a very long story involving a fake engagement and kidnapping, and he wasn't really my suitor per say… I don't really know how it happened. I just knew in my heart."

Raven tucked that bit of information into her neurological library for later use.

"Now," Cat switched subjects, "did you hear about the marriage of the proprietor of Pemberley? It is quite a remarkable affair…"

* * *

The next morning, Raven was in rather high spirits. She didn't have to worry about finding love anymore; she would just know. It was a great comfort to her, but she quite wished her true love would hurry up and fall out of the sky or something, as she had had her fill of tea and crumpets.

It was in this good mood that Lady Lorring found her niece curled up in the window seat, a book in her hands.

"Come, Rachel," Lady Lorring whispered softly.

"Must I?" she asked sarcastically, a small portion of her former nature showing through "I was just reaching the climax."

"I have a surprise for you in the library," Lady Lorring teased.

Raven bolted upright. "Are there new books?"

"You'll just have to see…" Lady Lorring trilled, waltzing out of the room.

"Tell me there are new books?" Raven squealed, dropped her own book down on the plump cushion and followed her aunt. Lady Lorring smiled coyly at her from her station in front of the library doors.

"Close your eyes," Lady Lorring ordered. Never once suspecting foul play, Raven obliged. She heard the click of the lock and the creak of the door, followed by the sound of someone standing.

"That's odd," she thought to herself, but paid it no mind. Lady Lorring pushed her forward and told her to open her eyes, so she did. She blinked. There were no books on the table! In fact, the only remarkably different aspect of the room was the presence of a certain gentleman. Indignantly, she turned to face her aunt.

"Mr. Princely has solicited a private audience with you!" Lady Lorring smiled suggestively and raised an eyebrow. Instantly, the purpose of this meeting hit Raven like an anvil plummeting from a third story window. (I've heard it hurts like the Dickens.) Before Raven could protest this inopportune event, Lady Lorring had closed the door, sealing the pair inside… awkwardly alone.

With a sigh of regret, she turned back to her friend. He stood on the other side of the room, anxiously fiddling with the brim of his hat. Delicately, he placed his hat on a table and made a motion of crossing to her, but stepped back at the last minute. He tried to gather courage again, but to no avail. In fact, it was several minutes before either of the two spoke.

"It cannot be hard," Mr. Princely finally began, traversing the library to take Raven's hands in his own, "for you to ascertain the purpose of this audience." He stared into her eyes with such a deep longing, the intensity of which almost frightened her. "Words cannot express the depth of my admiration and devotion for you," he continued fervently. "I confess that from the moment my eyes beheld your beauty, my heart was no longer mine own. Regardless of your feelings on the matter, it will belong to you forever."

At this point Raven began to get very worried. Although she finally had become used to ardent declarations of love, she had yet to experience a proposal. While Lady Rachel had easily let down twenty-seven men, Raven was inadequately prepared to do so. She wasn't even sure what she wanted in the first place.

"Rachel," he proposed, " would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" The awkward factor in the room increased by about fifty percent.

"Well, um…" Raven answered slowly after much consternation. "I am honored by your proposal, and I do like you very much. However, I do not believe myself to be in love with anyone at the moment, so I must regretfully decline your kind offer. Perhaps in time I could…"

Mr. Princely instantly drooped. " I see," he responded thoughtfully, dropping Raven's hands. The awkwardness in the room had increased to the point where it could be cut with a knife.

"Well then" he continued backing up to the library door as Raven whirled around to face him "I am afraid I must take my leave. God bless you, Lady Rachel."

And with that, he disappeared out the door, leaving Raven once more alone to contemplate her decision.


	19. Part the Nineteenth

Dear Reader,

That last chapter was most exciting, was it not? I do apologize for the delay. Band Geek Letter 1 had to study for her exams, and then she went on a long vacation. As soon as I realized she was free tonight I grasped the chance to write.

How are you lovely people? I hope you know that you are wonderful readers. I am sad to inform you that soon this story will come to an end. Perhaps in four chapters, give or take.

As soon as I finish posting this I'll let Band Geek Letter 1 get back to working on her novel. She has so many stories, and she actually finished chapter five last year! Of course, it's only a first draft . . .

By the way, Band Geek Letter 1 has a deviantart account now if you're interested in checking out some of her poetry and artwork. I have hidden a link in her profile.

Sincerely,

_**THE BOOK**_

* * *

Petticoats and Roses

By _**THE BOOK**_

Part the Nineteenth

Repurcussions

Dazed, Raven plunked down on the chaise in the library. Confused, she pondered how she could let this happen. Cat said she would just know; so why didn't she?

As she gazed at the doorway where Mr. Princely had stood moments earlier, professing his undying love for her, she wondered if she had made the right decision. Did she even know what it felt like to be in love? Had she ever experienced it?

A solitary tear streaked down her face, marring her porcelain skin with a stain. She reached up to wipe it away, only to find that the dam had broken. While she sobbed softly into her hands, her aunt tiptoed in and made her way over to her distraught niece.

"Are you alright, my dear? Lady Lorring inquired gently, rubbing comforting circles on her back.

"No," Raven wailed. "I've gone and messed things up."

"I thought you liked him," Lady Lorring commented soothingly as she dabbed Raven's eyes with a handkerchief. "Enough to marry him."

"That's just it!" Raven cried, the tears dripping off her face to form a teeny puddle on the carpet. "I do like him. He's a wonderfully entertaining and charming man; he always makes me feel happy, but I do not love him – at least I think I don't. That is what is bothering me. I do not wish to lose him."

"Well Rachel," Lady Lorring comforted, settling next to her, "that is life. You just have to deal with the pebbles, the rocks, and the boulders it throws at you and hope you made the right decision. You will figure this out with time. Who knows where your life will have taken you by then?"

Oddly comforted by these words, Raven's crying slowed, but still she looked dolefully at the floor. Her aunt patted her on the back, and then pulled her in for a consoling hug.

All of the sudden, her cantankerous cousin lumbered in, his usual melancholy hanging around him like an impending storm. Upon noticing Raven's equally depressed countenance, he dropped the book he had picked off the shelf. The gears whirred in his head as thoughts rushed past. While Raven tended to be more reserved and only shared her melodious laughter with her dearest friends, she was never brooding. Nay! That was his department, or at least it had been since his charming friend had shown up.

"Are you quite alright?" Edmund carefully voiced his question, knowing the slightest change of tone could set her off. Raven shook her head no and wiped another tear off her cheek. Lady Lorring thought the poor girl was in no mood to talk, so she answered her son's question herself.

"The hapless dear!" Lady Lorring responded. "Earlier this morning she received a solicitation of marriage from Mr. Princely and now she is hopelessly confused.

"Oh," came Edmund's reply. "And did she accept?"

"Heaven's no!" Lady Lorring cried. "She refused, but now she doesn't know if she has made the right choice."

Instantaneously, Edmund's perpetual frown flipped noticeably into a wide grin. "But she did say no, right?"

Raven nodded.

"In that case," Edmund smiled, "I'll leave you to your soul searching. Please excuse me." With that, Edmund skipped out of the room, grinning madly like a Cheshire Cat.

Raven stared back sullenly at the hardwood floor until a loud exclamation caught her attention. For some incomprehensible reason, her cousin seemed to be gallivanting throughout the manor, shouting, "Thank you Lord!" This made her giggle.

"Well, at least some semblance of normalcy has returned to the household," Raven commented, smiling through her tears.

All of the sudden, Raven's witty musings were cut short when her other cousin danced into the room, humming to herself. Nimbly, she stretched on her toes, plucking a romance novel from the top shelf. Just as quick as she entered, she scurried out, presumably to read her newly acquired book.

"I regret that I must you now," Lady Lorring patted Raven on the back once more. "It appears that we have an unexpected guest for tea, so I must see to the preparations." With that, she too left, leaving Raven all alone in the library.

* * *

"No! Why Raven, why!" Cyborg angrily shoved _**THE BOOK**_ in Beastboy's hands. "And I was just beginning to like that guy." Furious, he grabbed the nearest object and smashed it into the wall. Unfortunately, said nearest object was the vase on the coffee table, which he threw wholeheartedly at the television on the wall.

"Oops" he shrugged sheepishly as the glass shattered and sparks flew from the protruding wires.

"I will call the television repair man," Starfire volunteered glumly, trudging out of the living room and grabbing the phone from its cradle, all the while a sour expression on her face.

"Don't worry Cyborg," Beastboy smiled as he got up to give his friend a reassuring pat on the back. Cyborg's tendency to hyperventilate, and be freakishly tall did not aid Beastboy in his endeavor.

"But we almost had her back," Cyborg spat, before his face visibly calmed. "I miss her."

"As do the rest of us," Beastboy grinned. "We don't even know if Mr. Princely was her true love. Let's just keep on reading."

"Okay," Cyborg smiled while he grabbed _**THE BOOK**_ from where it lay on the ground among the pieces of broken glass.

"The television repairman will come in an hour," Starfire called as she walked into the room again. "Would anyone care to partake in some pudding of knowledge?"

"Um . . . no thank you," Cyborg and Beastboy shouted at the same time.

"I already ate," Cyborg stated quickly.

"I had pudding for lunch," Beastboy added, crossing his fingers behind his back.

"Alright," Starfire grinned as she grabbed her pudding from the fridge and joined her friends on the couch. "More for me."

"Now back to _**THE BOOK**_," Cyborg smiled and cracked it open.

* * *

"Rachel, dear," her aunt murmered as she poked her head through the library door. "Are you alright to come to tea? Captain Grayson is here."

Smiling and nodding, Raven wiped her tears away and briefly checked her face in the mirror before joining her aunt in the hall. Within moments she placed on the emotional mask she spent so many years perfecting and entered the dining room on the arm of her aunt.

"And then Rebecca Andrews threw a pie in her face!" Mary chortled while Raven and he aunt took their seats.

"Not just any pie mind you, but the cherry pie Emily baked for the officers," Edmund added, happily biting into a biscuit.

"Isn't that interesting, Rachel?" her uncle asked.

Raven gave a small grin and then turned her attention back to the steaming teacup in front of her. When she looked up she found Robin's eyes bored into her soul, as if he were trying to discern her emotions. At long last he spoke.

"You said no, didn't you?" he whispered to her.

She did not speak, but merely shook her head in reply. A look – was that relief? – washed over his face. This perplexed Raven; why should he be relieved?

Unfortunately, it was at this moment that Mary noticed her cousin's lack of happiness and loudly asked, "My dear cousin, I do believe you look rather ill; what is wrong?"

Raven barely squeaked before Edmund happily interjected, "Rachel was in the library this morning when the strangest thing happened. Mr. Princely proposed to her!"

Edmund tried to continue but the look on his sister's faced stopped him dead in his tracks. With a quivering lip and watering eyes she turned to her cousin.

"You . . ." Mary's voice cracked. "You . . . you, strumpet!" Like a deer caught in the headlights, Raven could only look on as her distraught cousin ran out of the room and slammed the front door behind her.

"Mary, wait!" Edmund cried as he, Robin, and Raven's aunt and uncle leapt from the table in pursuit of the teary eyed girl. As they too left out the front door, thunder crashed ominously in the far distance, indicating the presence of an impending storm.

"I said no," Raven spoke softly to the empty room.


	20. Part the Twentieth

Dear Reader,

Undoubtedly, you have wondered what in the world happened to me since I left you for so long without an update. Unfortunately, I was quite overdue for an appointment with my "parole officer," the head of the Library of Congress, so I had Band Geek Letter 1 return me. I rather hoped I would be out again within a few days, but that was not the case. It turns out I was also scheduled for restoration, which, if any of you have seen _National Treasure_, you know is a long and arduous process of painstaking cleansing and preservation. I was out of commission for weeks, months even, although I did make the acquaintance of some delightful French histories from Thomas Jefferson's library.

Upon my return to the library shelves, I immediately called for Band Geek Letter 1, and sure enough, she showed up at the appointed hour to check me out. I thought all would be well, yet something seemed off since our last encounter. The girl was distant and distracted, always on that iPod of hers or the computer, or shouting strange things at the television like "Send in the Fabes!" At last though, I have discovered the source of her distraction: she has a tumblr.

Naturally, I was surprised, but I have worked around this by using Tumblr to inspire her to read and write more often. It will be very slow going but perhaps I can soon finish my tale.

I know you are anxious to hear more of the story, so I shan't get in your way any longer.

Sincerely,

_**THE BOOK**_

* * *

Petticoats and Roses

By _**THE BOOK**_

Part the Twentieth

Consequences of Repercussions

"That two-penny thieving floozy!" Mary thought to herself as she ran through the trees down to the lake on the edge of the property, heedless of the small droplets of rain intermingling with the tears on her face. "I hate her!" In her anger she slammed her fist into the nearest defenseless tree, but she found that she did more harm than good as she cradled her aching hand in the other. "She knew I fancied him, so why did she . . ." She wondered as she stumbled blindly on while the wound on her hand began to bleed. Sopping wet strands of ginger hair straggled down her face when the torrential downpour let loose from the heavens.

Upon realizing the predicament she was in (being lost on unfamiliar grounds in the midst of a terrible thunderstorm,) Mary endeavored to stop crying, but every time she thought of her beloved Mr. Princely, the tears would start anew. Even in the frequent flashes of lightning she couldn't tell left from right and in her confusion she tripped over the root of a tree. Crashing to the ground, she felt something sharp hit her skull. Viscous red liquid dripped in front of her eyes as she closed them and the world went black.

* * *

"Mary?" Robin yelled once again into the darkness. His soaked shirt clung to his arm as he lifted his lantern, searching the dark woods for any sign of Raven's cousin. With a sigh he brushed his wet black hair out of his eyes with his free hand and continued on. It was times like these that he most missed the conveniences of modern life.

"What I wouldn't give for a flashlight right now," he whispered to himself. Sure, he'd completed many a night rescue in this world without the aid of such a device, but it wouldn't hurt to do his hero work with something that wouldn't be in danger of extinguishing every two seconds. With that, a particularly strong gust of wind blew the lantern door open at the same time that the tree above him decided to drop a large bunch of rainwater from its leaves, completely dousing the lantern.

"Well that's just wonderful," he said to himself in the dark. Suddenly, a bolt of lightning split the sky in two, lighting and oddly shaped form in the small glade at the edge of the clearing.

"Mary?" Robin called out. The body did not stir. In a minute Robin dropped the lantern and dashed to the prone shape splayed across the soaked leaves. In his haste he nearly tripped over her torn and bloodied dress. With a grimace, he lifted the damp red hair off her forehead to reveal cracked glasses over closed eyes. All doubts left his mind; this was Mary Lorring lying on the ground and she seemed to be in pretty bad shape. Carefully, he lifted the body up and began the long trek back to the house.

* * *

With the anxiety of a soldier awaiting the inspection of her superiors, Raven stared out the window at Summerhaven, tapping her foot angrily against the floorboards. Behind her, Lady Lorring almost drilled out a rut in the floor with her incessant pacing while Sir Lorring glanced between the front door and the grandfather clock ticking away in the back corner of the foyer.

"They've been gone quite a long while," Raven spoke, breaking the silence that had descended upon the somber party like a cloud. Finally, Lady Lorring ceased pacing and pulled a handkerchief from her pocket to mop up the sweat on her forehead. "Perhaps I should go after them," Raven mused as she turned around to face her aunt and uncle.

"Absolutely not!" her aunt paled.

"Out of the question!" her uncle responded. "We would not want you to get lost out there as well." With a huff, Raven whirled around toward the window. Her uncle continued talking, but she shut him out, and focused instead on the onslaught of rain outside. In the distance, she noticed a tiny twinkle of light against the blackness. At first, she believed it to be a passing carriage, but as it moved closer she could tell that it was not.

"Oh!" she interrupted her uncle. "Look there!" As her aunt and uncle dashed to the window to join her, lightning lit up the space around the speck of light.

"It's Edmund!" Lady Lorring cried.

"With Captain Grayson!" her husband added.

"And they've got Mary," Raven breathed. Swiftly, she snatched her shawl and bonnet from the chair beside her and ran out the door to meet them.

"Edmund!" she shouted. "Captain Grayson! I am so glad you are alright!" Meeting them hallway down the drive, she accompanied the two men inside the house and up to Mary's bedroom.

* * *

"Mary . . ." Raven whispered to her unconscious cousin as the poor girl slumbered on, tucked neatly inside her own bed at Summerhaven. "I know you can't hear me, but I just wanted to say—" Mary mumbled something in her sleep, cutting Raven off mid sentence. Eyelids fluttering, Mary grabbed the sheets to pull them over herself.

"Quick!" Raven cried, running to the door as quick as a bolt of lightning. "I believe Mary is awakening." Barreling through the door, Mary's entire family poured into the room. Lady Lorring ran to her girl's side and clasped one of her hands.

"Wake up, my darling," she pleaded.

"Ow," Mary whimpered, finally forming a coherent sentence. "What happened?" she moaned as she sat up in bed and clutched her throbbing skull. "And why are you all in my chambers?" she asked as her eyes took in the sight of her slightly disheveled family crowded around her small bed. When her gaze alighted on Raven she narrowed her eyes ominously, obviously in deep thought. "Wait a minute!" she shouted, causing her family to jump back. "The last thing I remember was calling you a strumpet and dashing out the door!" Raven's cheeks pinked instantly.

"Settle down, child, " her father comforted Mary, easing her back down into the bed. "You have had a concussion. You must have fallen and hit your head on something in the forest, but Captain Grayson graciously found you and carried you all the way back here."

"Captain Grayson saved me?" she responded slowly, as if trying to comprehend something terribly complicated, until a light dawned in her eyes and she smiled brightly at the Captain. "Thank you ever so much Captain Grayson for your kind rescue; I am forever indebted to you. "

"You are most welcome," the captain replied, and bowed. "I am glad to be of service."

"Now dear, you must rest awhile," Lady Lorring patted her daughter on the arm, "doctor's orders. Rachel, would you watch her and make sure she does not fall asleep?" Raven nodded as Lady Lorring shepherded the rest of the party out of the room and closed the door.

The two cousins settled into an uncomfortable silence while Raven attempted to start a conversation sever times. At length, her mouth finally began to form words. "About the incident—"

"It is no concern of mine," Mary interrupted, pointedly looking anywhere but her cousin. "What's passed has passed. I have moved on, and I am certain you and Mr. Princely will make a wonderful couple."

"—I refused him! I said no," Raven continued.

"No really!" Mary interjected. "It is fine." With that, the cousins once again descended into silence as Mary gazed happily into the middle distance happily and Raven stared at her cousin in wonder.


End file.
